Friday, September 20, 2013

How To Spot A Gator

#HiDon'tChangeTheChannelYet.... yes, you are correct, I'm not Whitney. But we are practically the same person... except I am much cooler and a far more experienced drinker... muahahahahaha.

Just kidding, Whit. (I'm not kidding).
Hello! I'm Sarah from Venus Trapped in Mars.
As you know, Whitney went to a little school called Florida State University and I went to a gigantic, popular, world renowned school called THE University of Mother Effing Tennessee. You probably have no idea what Whitney's small school could possibly have in common with the mammoth university I went to. I understand, I really had to rack my brain as well. A few weeks ago, Whitney kindly pointed out that we both hate the Florida Gators.

Last week we were joking about how Whitney should do a blog post about "How to Spot a Gator." Well, since she didn't do that post... guess who is going to? And since Tennessee plays Florida this weekend, finders keepers losers weepers.
1. They're Wearing Jorts.
I hope that ginger has sunscreen on. Nothing worse than a jorts tan line, it makes your denim bikini look turrible. 

2. They're a Virgin (who can't drive)
If I had to guess, I would attribute this to the wearing of jorts 24/7.
3. They Look Like They're Inviting You to Play Miss Mary Mack
Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack all dressed in black black back with silver buttons buttons buttons. Warning: this can be deceiving. As a lover of Miss Mary Mack, I was disappointed when I got slapped across the face after trying to engage in the popular clapping game with that old lady.

4. They have beautiful blonde locks 
Just maybe not all over their head...

5. They're sporting the gator logo in pink
If you read my blog, you won't need any further explanation.

6. They're a killer athlete

7. They're Losing

It's all in good fun, gator fans. I'm sure you think us Vol fans don't have any teeth and we all marry our cousins. Well, he was a second cousin, only missing six teeth and it was just once, thank you very much. Go Big Orange and Go Noles! Let's #backthatazzup (No Gators Allowed)

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  1. September 20, 2013 at 11:20 AM

    Hahahaha. I loved the last one and I ain't even sporty. :)

  2. September 20, 2013 at 11:20 AM

    I legitimately know nothing about the Gators but this actually made me laugh. Those jorts.

  3. September 20, 2013 at 11:25 AM

    Gator Hater always & forever. You forgot to mention their Gator backpacks and orange and blue pajama pants that they like to sport at football games. Stay Classy, Gator fans.

  4. September 20, 2013 at 11:31 AM

    Oh man... proud Gator here. We'll see who wants to borrow my lucky jorts after tomorrow.

  5. September 20, 2013 at 11:36 AM

    Yikes! Gator fan here, but it's all good! :) I promise, never have I ever worn jorts to a game! And that man with the long blonde hair, disgusting! I once saw a woman at a theme park with a flaming gator tatoo on her foot. Holy trashy! lol

  6. September 20, 2013 at 11:37 AM

    "I hope that ginger has sunscreen on" HAHAHAAHA i'm dying

  7. September 20, 2013 at 11:42 AM

    Love it!!!!

  8. September 20, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    HAHAHA!!! This cracks me up. How rude that they tease you with Miss Mary Mack! I also have the same problem with my DVR as well. Guess the problem will go away after football season, but not the whole season...just when the championship games start!

  9. September 20, 2013 at 11:45 AM

    As a ginger and a Gator grad/fan, I have to comment: Gator fans DO wear sunscreen (but don't actually wear jorts). It's hot in the Swamp! Looking forward to tomorrow being our ninth straight victory over Good 'Ole Rocky Top ;)

  10. September 20, 2013 at 11:49 AM

    Omg...that shit is funny!!! I am heading to Tallahassee in the morning for the game. There is a "No Jorts" dress code at Doak Campbell Stadium thank God!!!

    Go NOLES!!!!

  11. September 20, 2013 at 11:57 AM

    I don't know anything about college football, but this was pretty hilarious!

  12. September 20, 2013 at 12:09 PM

    Jorts and turrible in the same sentence. I love Sarah.

    Go Noles!

  13. September 20, 2013 at 12:35 PM

    This could not be more true!! haha Go Noles! <3

  14. September 20, 2013 at 12:46 PM

    HAHAHA I love this post with every ounce of my soul!!! Y'all know I'm a fellow UT girl and GATOR HATER!!!!!

  15. September 20, 2013 at 1:06 PM

    I absolutely love this - hahahahahahahaha!!!

  16. September 20, 2013 at 1:21 PM

    I came across your profile on a blog. I love the name. I wore yoga pants! such a catchy name!


  17. September 20, 2013 at 1:39 PM

    My Poor boys... Haters gonna hate girlll.. even if they do suck it up this year... I'm still a proud Gator Fan!

  18. September 20, 2013 at 2:04 PM

    The blonde dude mullet is wearing Jorts!!! EPIC!! LOL!

  19. September 20, 2013 at 2:13 PM

    I went to a ACC school, I don't Gators problems woot woot. However, girlfriend was rocking that mullet of all mullets.

  20. September 20, 2013 at 2:19 PM


    FSU alum and back at FSU law i love this so much!! hahah

  21. September 20, 2013 at 2:34 PM


  22. September 20, 2013 at 3:51 PM

    My husband, the diehard UT fan, would love this. We actually just got back from Oregon!! Hope this Saturday goes better. :)

  23. September 20, 2013 at 4:56 PM

    Bwahahaha! This was hilarious. I have a few Gator fans in the family and its horrid.

  24. September 21, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    #3 made me giggle. Not very intimidating.

  25. September 22, 2013 at 4:12 AM

    Well, I am from TN and HUGE Vol fans and yep we do not like Gators or Bama lol. GO VOLS lol...

  26. September 22, 2013 at 5:28 PM

    This is a hysterical guest post!

    Sparkles and Shoes

  27. September 24, 2013 at 2:40 PM

    Im dying right now. I share the hatred of the Gators. Totally showing this to my fellow FSU friends.


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