Anywho, aside from a few drink/food pics, I've really got nothing from my weekend to share so I figured I'd do a little post that's been brewing in the old noggin for a few weeks.
1. 3+ posts in a row.
Say it with me, is not . Nothing convinces me to unfollow someone on Instagram faster than scrolling through my feed and seeing 6 back-to-back photos of the same child eating spagetti with sauce all over their dirty little monster faces. Just stop.
This one alone has caused me to have an irrational fear of posting any sort of nonsense on Instagram. I'm constantly paranoid with my Instagram decisions.
2. Hashtag abuse.
This is a very serious condition and it absolutely has got to stop. If you're using more than 3 hashtags, in a serious maner, you need to go seek help and find a cure for this disease fast because it's making you look pretty silly and as your friend I'm trying to break that news to you easily.
If you fall victim to this one, it's not too late to turn the bus around. Trust me, people are judging you.
3. Unrelated photo to caption.
If you post a selfie which is clearly showing off, oh let's just say, your lady lumps yet your caption says something like "Oh, it's a beautiful Monday!", we're on to you. Why don't you just go ahead and caption it upfront and forward? You might as well let us all know you're loving how your funbags are looking today, at least you'll get a laugh with that bag of judgement people are packing for you.
"Hey everyone, come check out how good my tits look today! #bigtittyho"
4. Pitty seekers.
Nothing gives my eyes the pleasure of rolling quite like a picture of a leg with a bandage on it or a sad faced selfie because you're "zomgzz so sick". I don't care if you filter said photos with every filter Instagram has to offer, it's still going to be pretty freaking pointless.
Perhaps instead of these photos, just go ahead and post a photo of your meds with the caption, "The goods. #turntup". Then we can all be jealous you're on that level and we're just over here sipping coffee at work.
5. Selfie abuse.
What would a post about Instagram fails be without the most commonly offensive fail of them all be? Oh, selfie abuse, let me count the ways. If, in one single day, you decide it's fit to post 6 selfies, all explaining what you're currently doing, you should just go and delete your Instagram now because everyone is going to unfollow you if you keep that shit up.
While we all realize that waking up very early for work is a most unenjoyable task, no one needs to see your pout face because of it. Maybe go ahead and tweet about it, then get on with your day because we would much rather see you looking all hot and stuff later in that one selfie you take before going out for happy hour.
Just a thought.
And that's going to do it for today's dose of sass.
One last thing dealing with Instagram.
A genius by the name of Mason has started a new project for Bloggers on Instagram called "The Blog Baton" where, basically, one blogger gets to take over Instagram account for one day and document their day. When Mason emailed me explaining the idea behind the project I knew that I instantly (see what I did there?) wanted to do it and before I knew it I was signed up and in line to be the second blogger to participate, which means tomorrow is my day to hold the blog baton.
This means everyone should go ahead and go follow on Instagram and gear up for my day via Instagram tomorrow. Mostly because I have an irrational fear of getting zero likes all day and I just need at least a few of you to come give a sister a reason to keep up with my project tomorrow.
Click here to learn more about The Blog Baton and click here to follow on Instagram so you can follow along with me tomorrow. I promise at least one PBR and a pair of yoga pants being sported.
See ya on the flip side, blog land.