Happy friggen Friday, world. Today is a really, really good day. Why? Well, there was college football on my television last night, for starters, also I'm sporting a Florida State shirt proudly today and that always puts me in a great mood.

Yesterday after mentioning my love for football a few of you commented, admitting that you just don't get it and can not with football. If I was a shitty friend, I'd let you all just go on saying such things with no rebuttal, but I'm a damn good friend and so now we all need to have a chat about a few reasons you should, at the very least, put up with the next few months of solid football bliss.



Tailgating
If you don't know the joys of waking up to kegs, eggs, and beer pong, that would be your first problem here. I don't care if you loathe the sport of football, put on your party hat and get yourself acquainted with the sport of tailgating.


Shit Talking
Friendly competition is fun and exciting. There's nothing I love more than roughing up a Gator fan or two. Get your sailor mouth in check, know your facts, have a couple beers, and talk some shit about your team's rivalry.

Easy Wardrobe
When you have a football team you love, it makes for a pretty simple weekend wardrobe. All you have to do is find an outfit that includes your team's colors and whabam, you're good to go. No need to exhaust that hungover brain of yours.


Bonding With Strangers
I'm not sure if you're aware but the majority of cities have bars that are designated for certain teams. For instance, there's a bar here in town called One Eyed Jacks and it's Florida State Seminole paradise on game days. Throwing up my tomahawk chop with a bar jam packed garnet and gold wearing fans is always exciting and fun.



ESPN's College Gameday
Saturday mornings during football season are meant to be spent eating bacon, drinking a Miller Lite, and watching College Gameday on ESPN. Also, as side note on this one for the ladies, if your man gets out of the shower and you've got College Gameday on the TV, there's a good chance he will never let you go.


Hello, sexy.
So, diehard football fans will absolutely roll their eyes at this one, but just remember that I'm working on converting some non-football fans over here. Sweaty men, grunting, being all competitive, and wearing some seriously tight pants... SEXY. #sorryimnotsorry


So, this weekend when your friends invite you out to watch a little football, I expect you to join happily and report back Monday (or Tuesday if you're taking the day off) and tell me you had the greatest time ever. Just do it.

This post also means I get to linkup with Sarah!



And now, let's all back our football loving azz's off. I have been hardcore jamming to this one lately...

If I posted any later today, you'd be in bed by the time you read this. Work is always getting in the way of things, I swear.

Let's chat about a few things I'm loving right now, because I know you absolutely care.

1. This gorgeous and dainty Karma necklace from K.O. Designs. Not only does Kim make the prettiest things, she is apart of the blogging community which makes me that much more amped to support her business!



2. Fantasy football. Holy bananas, September 5th can't come soon enough. I'm ready to eff some shit up and win all of the moniez! Also, my team name was all Sarah, which is unfortunate considering I'm about to take her fantasy team down in just one short week. Sorryboutcha, Romosexual.



3. Speaking of football, COLLEGE MOTHA FUGGIN FOOTBALL IS BACK. More importantly FLORIDA STATE football is back and will be on my television Monday friggen night. Hallelujah, amen. Thank you sweet baby Jesus for college football.


4. Old Fashioned. I can't get enough of this drink currently. Errrywhere I go, I gotta have an Old Fashioned. If you like whiskey/bourbon, go order one next time you're at a nicer bar. I prefer mine with Jack.



5. Sinful Colors - Sinful Shine. This cheap polish is the tits. It didn't need a top coat and it stayed on for about 2 weeks. For the hefty price of $2, I'm all about that life.


6. This quote. Because I am constantly being told I've lost my mind, now I know why.


7. This picture of Desi and I from last Saturday. Because we are really the biggest little kids in town.



And that's what I've been loving on lately.
Who's backing that azz up with me tomorrow?

Can we talk about abbreviations for a moment today because I, for one, am starting to feel like the use of them is spiraling out of control.

SMH (Shaking My Head)
No. JUST No. Why is this a thing and where did it come from? I hard cringe every single time I see this abbreviation because it's just ridiculous. Why can't we just be all, "I'm totally shaking my head right now"? Is it that hard? I just can not.

b4 (Before)
Please, for the love of Fireball, someone tell me right now how damn hard it is to type four more letters out? We live in a fun world where technology has many smartz and unless you're on Twitter you can type out as many letters as your little heart desires. Be one with your keyboard and type out those other four letters. You can do it, I just know it.

U (You)
See above. Just no.
Also note: Coming off as an educated human is sexual and awesome.

LMFAO (Laughing My Fucking Ass Off)
To this one I say, PROVE YOURSELF. If you use this, you better not come near me the next time I see you unless your ass is, in fact, gone. Further more, if I have said something to you to make you laugh so hard it's as if your ass is going to fall off, just go ahead and tell me because that would make me laugh as if my ass was going to fall off in return.

Speaking of laughing...
Hehe (I hate you)
This might be the second most offensive behind that first one up there, and I realize it's not really an abbreviation but just go ahead and roll with me here. Anytime someone directs a "hehe" at me, I instantly assume said person hates me and that's their way of telling me. No one laughs like that in real life. NO ONE, I say. And if you do, well, I'm sure your laugh is very... interesting.

LOL (I hate having fun)
Just go ahead and see this post by Sarah. She covers this one better than I could ever attempt to.

TTYL (Talk To You Later)
Let's just go ahead and leave AOL instant messenger lingo in the drawer your old Myspace account is stuffed in and call it a day. You are talking to your friend, pretty sure it's clear you will speak to them later. No need to abbreviate it and leave on that note.

IDK (I Don't Know)
As in, "i onno how 2 type on dis komplikated keybordz". Spell it out, friends. Go all in, balls to the wall, you can do it and I will be here cheering you on.

K (You're dead to me)
Really though, if this is the only thing you text me at one time, you absolutely hate me. Plain and simple. The only thing worse than "K" is "hehe K". Awful, horrible, no, just no.



Now, I'm not saying all abbreviations are eyesores, because there are some that I'm quite a fanatic of. For example, but not limited to:



YOLO (You Only Live Once)
I know the rest of the world hates it, but if you use YOLO with me I'll probably love you forever. It's a damn classic and I'm going to beat that horse into eternity.

LYLAS (Love You Like A Sister)
I'm holding on to this one like I'm holding on to my hope of Nysnc getting back together and going on tour. Hashtag 90's for life.

HOMAGAH (Holy shit, oh my god, this is going to be good)
Probably my favorite and if you've texted and/or messaged with me, you've probably seen me use it. It's a favorite and I think I need it on a tank top, or something.

FYI (For Your Information)
This one always comes off sassy to me, which is probably why I like it and I'm allowing it to live out.


And that's all I've got for you today.
Go get your hump day on.


*Don't let this post offend you if you are a user of any of the above words. All in good fun, friends. All in good fun.

Hey it's me, that yoga pants chick who's supposed to blog 5 days a week. Except for when something as tragic and upsetting as the Miley performance at the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards show happens, you just have to walk away and hope it goes away. Over 24 hours later, I'm still being forced to see my beloved BFF look a horrible, disturbing mess and, well, it was means for taking an entire day off from blogging yesterday.

I needed a day to mourn. 

Why Miley, just why?


Maybe we could just... I don't know, maybe start by putting that tongue back inside of your mouth. Or in Liam's mouth... if he still wants to claim you after whatever it was up there that you did. I just don't know that I would be able to let you back in our house after a solid 10 minutes of dry humping teddy bears and Robin Thicke, while making some type of Kiss face and feeling yourself up with a foam finger.

What. Was. THAT?!

The entire time I just couldn't help but to imagine that Billy Ray was probably in the isle of the audience looking similar to the mom from Mean Girls.


And now I'm slightly concerned that this is the next step for Miles:

And that's almost as terrifying as that strange teddy bear/Beetle Juice orgy I was forced to witness yesterday.



For some reason Miley wont answer my posts and tweets, so I had to bring in backup.


Smiley,

Abort mission. You're no longer just being Miley. Let's kick it old school again and bust out our classic duck faces while you practice your Hannah Montana lines. I'll bring the sweet tea.

Forever your best friend,
Lesley


Miley,

I miss the days of living on your head, making girls of all ages jealous of us. We took the world by storm and continued to get longer and longer. We were fabulous as Hannah and even more fabulous as Miley. Now that you've traded me in for bangs on the back of your head, I might as well just go clog someone's drain somewhere.

Baby come back,
Your Weave


Miles,

I know it's been a while since we've talked but I can't help but to notice how, uh, experienced you seem to have gotten these days. My mom says we can't hang out if you keep acting like this because my purity ring will go up in flames if it comes around you.

Missing Hannah,
Nick Jonas


M. Dawg,

Hey girl, it's me, your old party friend. I feel like we've really grown apart and our friendship isn't nearly as close as it used to be. I've heard you're partying with some sketchy people lately and I'm feeling really hurt by it all. Aren't I fun anymore?

Yours truly,
The USA


Ms. Sassy Cyrus,

Stay far away from umbrellas and clippers... and that other stuff you've gotten into recently. Also, stay away from backup dancers and body guards. Really though, just take my word for it, straight jackets are, like, so uncomfortable and ugly. I highly doubt there's room to "twerk" in them either.

Wishing you luck,
Britney Spears, y'all



To the chick who made a scene on MTV Sunday,

Thank you for being you.

Sincerely,
Ben Affleck, the new Batman



I don't know how that last one got in there, I also don't know how he managed to score that role. Either way, let's just hope Miley will listen to these letters. I will now go crawl back into my cave of sadness and continue mourning this tragic happening.

Happy Yoga Pants Saturday, erryone! Today I am introducing you to someone with more followers than Kim Kardashion. Everyone meet Karly Kim!


1. Why did you start blogging? 
I've always wanted to be a writer. I thought I'd see if people other than my parents enjoyed my stories. It also felt like a safe place to post all of my selfies.

 2. What inspires your writing? 
The lowest common denominator of humans, new clothes, small animals and candy.

 3. What's your favorite post and/or posts you've written so far? 
-  http://www.karlykim.com/2013/07/ur-ugly.html 

-  http://www.karlykim.com/2013/08/the-almost-bachelorette.html

 4. What's the funniest thing you've seen in a while?

 5. What's your current favorite #backthatazzup jam? 
If by current you mean 2010, then I pick Dynamite by Taio Cruz. I dare you to listen and not get psyched.

So, yesterday a sweet little Swedish woman by the name of Anastasia gave me my very first Brazilian wax. Here is a compilation of thoughts during the 10 minutes I was spread eagle on her table...

"Alrighty then, here we gooo."

"This is a position you don't get into every day... or maybe you do. Ha. Ha."

"What... What's going on down there?"

"Wait, a fan? But why?"

"Oh, poking. This is..."
*riiiip*
"I think this is where I'm supposed to yell 'KELLY CLARKSON'."

"Ok, that wasn't so bad. No big deal. Round 2 - challenge accepted."

"Woahhhh Anastasia, at least buy a girl a drink first. Shit."

"There she goes with the poking again."

"Ooook, that's warm... and close. Really close."

"Anastasia, what kind of girl do you think I am?!"

"Sweet lord, what the fuck did I get myself into?"

"Oh. OH. Um... What the shit?"

"Does this come with a happy ending?'

"This damn fan... I can not."

"What the fucking fuck though?"

"Welp. Safe to say I now know what it's like to be molested by a wax covered popsicle stick."

"Tweezers? No... Make it stop. Make it stop. Get the fucking tweezers away from there."

"No one's getting swamp ass on Anastasia's watch with that god damn fan around."

"Is this position some sort of joke right now?"

"Ashton, where are you?"

"Oh, lotion. Ok. Ok. Oooook, Anastasia. Enough of that."


Overall, is wasn't terrible and I'd absolutely do it again.
Did it hurt? Well, of course it was uncomfortable having wax ripped from sensitive areas of your body. Mostly, I was on the verge of laughter the entire time. THE entire time. I mean, it was harder to control my laughter during this wax than it was the day the woman next to me in yoga let out a massive fart. (Maturity level: 4) Pretty sure Anastasia thinks I'm certifiable. Also pretty sure she could be on to something.

You know what hurt worse than the wax? Baby tat number 5.

Back when Pinterest was first introduced I was on my way to planning a wedding and knee deep in photographing weddings. Most of revolved around said things. Today my boards and pins have absolutely nothing to do with anything wedding related (shocker) and are mostly just a compilation of funny memes and thoughtful quotes.

Let me just start this one out by saying that I LOVE a good freak out reaction comment to dumb ass pins. Never gets old. And the person who pinned this thinks this is some type of genius, life changing trick of mass proportions. What I'm confused about is what the shit her nails look like after she paints them sans Elmer's. Really though, is she letting her toddler paint her nails? Are we out of Q-tips? This seems a lot more messy and time consuming than maybe just trying out the good old fashioned approach. Maybe that's just me.