Three words that are likely to resonate if you're a Sex and the City lover, like yours truly. If you're not, which I can't fathom why you wouldn't be (Hello, best show ever in life.), allow me to give you a brief overview of this single girl behavior I speak of. You know those things you really enjoy doing alone, in the privacy of your own four walls that you'd most likely never allow anyone to join in on? Yeah, that's your single girl behavior, or SGB, right there.
My SGB habits are pretty standard, I think. Let's take a loosky, shall we? Oh, and feel free to shame me. This is very much like dog shaming, but in human form.
Painting my toenails.
This is a task that takes skill and I don't care if you're Jenny Gymnast, it's still pretty freaking difficult. I mean, the positions a female is required to twist herself into in order to paint her toenails without looking like a toddler did them takes skill. If you're in a dress or skirt? Forgettaboutit. There is absolutely no ladylike way to go about painting your own toenails. You just have to go ahead, get out that Kama Sutra, and find yourself a few positions that'll get you eye-to-toe and get your polish on.
Browsing social media while watching reality TV.
As if watching the Kardashians and every single Real Housewives series isn't bad enough, I like to bust out my phone and browse all forms of social media until my phone is too dead to browse anymore. Then I've gotta get my lazy butt off the sofa, walk to my bedroom to get my phone charger, plug that sucker in, wash, rinse, repeat. You know if I'm live and wired on the , I'm working with some serious SGB.
Bagel Biting in bed.
There's nothing I love more than waking up on a Saturday morning/afternoonish, popping those 9 circles of bagel-pizza heaven into my oven, and then feasting on them in bed while snuggling with the pups and watching some movie playing on TV that I've most likely seen eleventy hundred times. I mean, that's seriously blissful. And don't you dare try to join in and rain on my parade because no one is invited to the Bagel Bite in bed party.
Mixing mac and cheese in the bowl.
While we're on the topic of food, let's chat about mac and cheese. I make it a meal from time to time, it's a classic ballin' on a budget meal for me. It's delicious, it's fattening, it's comforting. You get the point. Anyways, aside from the main fact that I consider that blue box to be a full meal, my SGB comes out in full force when I attempt to avoid doing extra dishes by just throwing that freshly strained pasta in my bowl, on top of some milk, powdery cheese substance, and butter, shove my fork in it, swirl it around, call it a day. Ain't nobody got time for getting that pot all cheesy, which would require immediate dish cleaning activity.
Pretending I'm still a dancer.
You haven't seen a true performance until you've seen me attempt pirouettes and second turns, in socks, on my faux wood floor. Sometimes, just for kicks (no pun in tended), I'll throw on my junior year solo song and bust out the entire dance. Performance face and all. I like to the think the dogs are the judges and they are talking in their little tape recorders, telling me how awesome that leap would have been if it wasn't for the wall I almost leaped into.
And because I know you're all wondering what said song is, let's really set the mood:
You know I just had to...
Selfies for days.
Oh, selfies. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for really falling into the selfie trap but I fell harder than a teenager falls for their first love and it shines through when I'm alone in my apartment. Especially when I'm all done up and ready for a night out, having a little pre-game glass of Chardonnay. Thank god for Snapchat for making selfies a little less shameful. Or maybe not.
Watching the same movie two days in a row.
Nothing says "economize" quite like getting the most bang for your buck when you rent a movie. Why only watch that sucker twice when you can watch it repeatedly and really squeeze that dollar you shelled out at RedBox for everything it's worth. Except you used one of the coupon codes you Googled prior to renting said movie and so now you're just being a repeat offender for no reason. It's fine, it's just a really awesome movie, ok?
Napping on clean laundry.
I really, really, really loathe folding laundry and, lezbihonest, trucking that shit from the closet, to the washer, and then to the dryer is just exhausting. By the time it's time to fold, homegirl needs a little snoozer. They're just so warm and all clean-like smelling when they come out of the dryer, how can you not take a little napski on them? I mean, the dogs do it, I can too.
And there you have it, some of my SGB revealed.
Freak flag has been flown. Again.
Toodles.
I couldn't agree more about the laundry... it usually stays on my bed until I wear it. Whhhhyyy put it up if I'm just going to take it out again in a day or a week?
ReplyAmen to needing double joints everywhere for toenail painting.
I love having little dance parties by myself. Instant good mood.
Replyain't no body got time for dishes. especially ones that need to soak because of the orange fake cheese powder.
ReplyNot single, have a kid, still freaking hate folding the laundry! I'd rather just stack it some place and everyone can find what they want to wear from that pile.
ReplySSB my friend.
ReplyYes! I was wondering why it didn't click right away... seeing as I own every season of SATC. S.ecret S.ingle B.ehavior
I was thinking the same thing! SATC addicts. :)
Ok...add Boomer to these...and sub bagel bits for just toast...and this is my life. Except I'm pretty good at painting my toes without looking like a weirdo so I don't know what your issue is....
ReplyYou were a dancer?!? YES. Fantastic solo song choice. I'm kind of pissed Miley's twerking moves weren't around back then for the competition days
ReplyIs it bad I do all of these things and I'm NOT single?? My husband thinks I'm really cool when I bust out dance routines and take 150 selfies too :) Oh and the clean laundry? He's a neat freak and well, I ain't got time for that. So you can imagine what our fights start with...
ReplyI absolutely love eating in bed while watching some movie or tv show that I have seen before. The best part is I can just put my dish to the side and take a little nappy while I am there. And painting toe nails is the absolute freaking worst!
ReplyYeah, I'm pretty guilty of these too... Especially the dancing and the toe nails. In fact, if they want to add a new Olympics sport they could totally add toe nail painting.
ReplyLet's add grooming to the list. The door always has to be shut when I am plucking my brows!
Replythe whole atmosphere of my apartment changes when my husband is gone for a weekend and my random dance parties get crazier and the tv I watch even more so. its kinda crazy awesome, but I'm still glad to have him back.
ReplyYay to that song! Loove it.
ReplyYou crack me up!
ReplyYAY! Napping on fresh, warm, Downy smelling clean laundry!
ReplyI fall asleep to Devil Wears Prada every single night. Mostly because I just like the company.
ReplyI'd have to say I'm a little bit messier when it's just me living the single girl life, then when I have a boyfriend. Who needs to put away the laundry RIGHT NOW, when it's just you and your glass of chard catching up with Kardashians?...not this girl.
Replyhaha yes this is true and spot on. but i still like to do weird things. i just ignore michael.
Replyi have you beat on the mac and cheese thing - why get a bowl dirty? i mix it up and eat it out of the pot. shhh. haha!
ReplyYup!!
I too, have napped on laundry. Actually, I've slept on clean laundry for days at a time and just picked through it when I needed something to wear...I mean, it's pretty efficient when you think about it!
Replyhahaha I am pretty sure we live similar lives! Nothing like snap chat selfies, twerkin dance moves, a good bowl of mac and cheese, and serious social media stalking to complete a single girls night! Also who has not heard of sex and the city? Are they living under a rock!?
ReplyI definitely always feel like such a lame ass when I'm not only watching reality TV but I'm stalking reality on my phone and the next thing I know, it's dead from all the stalking!
ReplyBrills idea with the mac n cheese! I never thought to do that before and I seriously hate cleaning the pots. You have to soak it immediately or prepare to scrub later. I mean really, your bowl is sufficient.
And I have a big circle chair from Pier 1, so my laundry stays in the hamper (until I absolutely need it) to my bed - trying to force myself to do my laundry, which doesn't happen, to the circle chair where I just dig through the pile until I wear almost all of the clothes and they end up back on my floor. It's a vicious cycle but it is daunting to put away your clothes. This way, I have much easier access to what is in my closet. :)
IDK if this is single girl behavior or girl is home along behavior. Because you best believe I watch one movie on repeat on the weekends M.E. is out of town... And all meals are consumed in bed on top of clothes (dirty or clean).
ReplyNAPPING ON CLEAN LAUNDRY
Replyi literally thought i was the only one who did this lol
This is too funny and too good to be true! although I'm engaged and yet I STILL do about 95% of this! LOVE napping on clean laundry, hey the dogs love it!
ReplyI definitely partake in the pirouettes in socks on the wood floor and pretending I am awesome at it, even when I smack my legs or arms into the wall.
Showered With Design
A-freaking-men! The longer I am single the more I get scared that I will never be able to live with someone again! PS - that gif of Miley twerking is a little scary! HAHA
ReplyYou forgot to talk about your love of lunchables. Shame on you.
Replyi love this. and as a satc fan/lover/obsessive watcher and single girl - i can relate. :)
ReplyI'm not gonna lie. Being married is great and all. But sometimes I miss having chips and salsa in my bed for dinner by myself haha!
ReplyOne of my boyfriends used to get so man that I ate cookies in bed so I promptly* dumped him and bought every box of Famous Amos in a 5 mile radius. That may have been an exaggeration but some (most) things you just can't do when you're attached to a ball and chain. This whole list sounds completely acceptable to me.
Reply*9 months later
So I'm not single but my husband works out of state except two weekends a month so I basically get to join in on all the SGB above and then some:) My Saturday morning go to is the Pillsbury cinnamon rolls...those are one serving cans rights?
ReplyOh and killing the phone when browsing during reality tv...I thought there might be something wrong with me. Somebody invent an app that charges your phone without a charger please and thanks.
I was just painting my toenails last night. I made the comment that I really hate painting my toenails (because of all the odd positions you have to get in to be able to see what your doing all while not rubbing your little toes across the floor removing all polish off the toes and onto the floor). My husband glanced over at me a couple times with some weird face looks.
Replyhahahah I do the "pretend you're still a dancer thing" too. Cleaning the house and a song comes on that I remember a routine to. You bet I'm busting that out. More than likely NOT full out. :)
bahaha finally someone else that understands the greatness that is sex and the city, the difficulty of the art of painting one's toes, and the joy of watching movies back to back. it's the little things i tell yah
ReplyOh good lord, I attempt so many pirouettes in my kitchen while waiting for the microwave, it's not even funny.
ReplyAnd also during every episode of SYTYCD.
Even less funny, I have not actually danced since...oh god, I'm old...2004.
I'll have a good dance session going on while cooking and Matt will look at me like I've lost my damn mind!
ReplyMy single girl behavior is quite similar. Except normally it's marathoning an entire series on Netflix while laying in bed having a no pants party and eating Oreo cookies.
ReplyI have salsa and chips and wine (talk about a mess) in bed and I am married, does this make me a super bad wife? xo Lauren of www.cornwellfam.com
ReplyPersonally, I'm super thankful my dog can't actually talk - you know, except to me because I understand him perfectly. But if he could talk for real, he'd blab about all the awkward single girl things I do and say in his presence that I just don't want to be general knowledge.
ReplyAnd I want bagel bites now, thanks. ha!
I love this post so much very similar. I also have that SGB whereas I watch stand up comedy and pretend I'm a comedian...that's a very random thing to do maybe it's just me! lol
ReplyI STILL have clean laundry that is on my bed from last week. I sleep under it instead of putting it up ::sigh::
ReplyHow about watching the same movie several days in a row or multiple times in one day? Or really long marathons of Supernatural...
ReplyI cheat with my toenails. I just slap that shit on and bust out the nail polish remover when it's dried. boom.
ReplyI feel like now that Dane will be deployed, I will fall into these routines. REALITY TV AND SOCIAL MEDIA! Hello, awesome.
ReplyWow. This makes me miss the single life. I wouldn't have thought that possible!
ReplyI was doing some serious dancing last night to Blurred Lines. You should see me in my car when it comes on!!
ReplyAnd as for watching a movie two days in a row ... how about a whole week? I'm pretty sure I watched the Avengers every day last week. Half of it while browsing social media or playing Candy Crush. :)
I have no idea why I never thought of mixing the milk and cheese in the bowl.. So true about a much easier cleanup!
ReplySelfies are not reserved for singles! I love selfies with E anyday!
ReplyAfter it's dried all my laundry goes straight onto the floor of the spare bedroom, since the door is right next to the laundry closet. I've lived in my condo for a year now and that room is still completely empty save for my laundry all over the floor. I mean, why carry it up a flight of stairs and hang it up if I can get away with that.. right?!
ReplyIt's like we were seperated at birth.
ReplyYes. Solo dance parties. FYI, I still do those every morning even though my husband thinks I'm crazy. Ke$ha just does that to me.
ReplyI hate hate hate folding laundry! It probably drives my roommates crazy, but I tend to stick it in the basket, and save folding for another (way far off) day.
Reply<3 Kiersten
If watching the Real Housewives and incessantly tweeting is wrong, I don't want to be right. I'm having serious Bravo withdrawals where I'm staying right now, but I will never be sorry for anything I put on social media related to my favorite ladies.
ReplyMost of these apply to me - so I completely feel you, girl.
ReplyI hate folding laundry or hanging it in the closet. I usually take it from the dryer, to my bed, then move it from my bed to computer chair when it's time to go to sleep, and then back from my desk chair to my bed in the morning. This usually happens for 3 days before I finally give in and put my laundry away. It's a struggle.
I was laughing all the way through this post!!! I am so with you on the repeat movies. I would also have to add "binge watching crappy 90s tv shows on netflix" to my list of SGB!
ReplyI love watching a good movie over and over again! I really enjoy showing a good movie to someone too. It doesn't matter if I just finished watching it, I'll start it up again for someone else to enjoy..!
ReplyThat's awesome! My SGB has floated on into Married with Children behavior. I do a lot of the same things, with the exception of hanging out in bed, watching TV and eating bagels. Now, that I miss!
ReplyLOVE this!! haha esp browsing social media while watching reality television.
ReplyI do all of this and I'm married. Well, minus the mac & cheese thing. On the weekends if I have nothing to do I'm in bed all day. Yesterday I stayed in bed until 4 watching Shark Week.
ReplyI especially like to dance. I have no shame, I'll twerk, spin, do awkward white girl dances, whatever - he's so used to it now he occasionally joins in and I almost pee my pants er'time! You think being single & dancing around is fun? Wait until you see your dude attempt to booty pop and/or river dance. Uh-Mazing.
I do my toes in the bathroom though, not because of all the weird positions but because I thought I was the only girl who hadn't figured out the right way. I feel so much lighter now - knowing that I'm not alone.
LittleBirdBlogs
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Replywhen i am home alone i just don't wear pants. I prefer undies any day. i think this is either single girl behavior, or slutty girl behavior...either way it is the same initials.
ReplyI MISS single girl behavior, ahhh.. But who am I kidding- I still do that stuff married with a child :) It's just not as fun!
Replyi hate to break it to you but all these things happen in the shitler household.
Replyand like i'm not the one doing all of them...
Oh my god, woman! How did I not think of this mac and cheese pot situation? You are a freaking genius! I'm all about the no dishes thing!
ReplyLove it. I did my first vlog on SGB. Mine is speed reading instagram hashtags.
ReplyHa yes I like to multitask as well with television, computer and phone. It's terrible.
ReplyHAHA I wish I could say these were my SGB more like LTRB (Longterm Relationship Behavior) I love grabbing a bowl of Mac and Cheese turning on Netflix and grabbing my laptop for hours of endless streaming and blog work. My boyfriend of 10 years just had to become comfortable with my solitary behavior, which I like to think is a mark of a strong relationship.
ReplyI read this constantly agreeing with every point. Sometimes you have to be really glad there's no-one around to witness it!
Reply