Well, here I am on my 26th birthday eve just staring at a blank damn blog post when I have work to get done so I can avoid coming in tomorrow and Friday like the plague. We wont get into that though, it's too sensitive of a subject.

It's slightly amusing to me that I'm sitting here staring at my desk which is an entire disaster and thinking that not much has changed as far as my life goes.

Let's take a look at reasons I'm still a child:

- My daily lunch typically looks something like this:
- Dinner doesn't get much better, except now I can add wine to the mix. So, that's phenomenal.


- My mom still tells me to stop biting my nails and I still don't stop. At least she doesn't put hot sauce on them anymore. On second note, maybe that's why I love hot sauce now?

- If it's pink and sparkly, I've gotta have it. This is never going to change.

- If there's a guy I think is super cute, I still get giggly and awkward. And my tongue gets all tied up and I can't form full sentences. Luckily this doesn't happen too often because you have to be over the moon sexual.

- I still obsess over celebrities. Case and point:

- One of my favorite things in life, still to this day, is an old fashioned slumber party with my besties. Only, once again, we get wine, sex talk, and rated R movies now. Way more exciting.

- Dessert over dinner. Always.

- Singing in my hair brush while dancing in the middle of my living room will forever be my favorite thing to do when I'm alone.

- Bubble baths are always fun. And again, let's bring the wine factor in one last time.

- I still prefer to wear dresses over pants. Except I no longer am forced to wear shorts under my dresses so the boys don't see my underoos when I'm on the swings. Now I just let it all out there. Kidding. Maybe.

- Pink nail polish is the best nail polish. Bonus points for being able to add glitter whenever I want now that my mom wont bitch about how hard it is to get off my fingers.

- Coloring is still by far one of my most favorite things to do. I'll let you decide if I'm talking about the SATC reference or not.


- Last, but not least, my birthday will forever be my most favorite day of the year. Let's do this, twenty-six!!

Here we are, just two little days away from the day of my birth. AKA My most favorite holiday of the year. And yes, birthdays are absolutely holidays.

Today I've got to chat about something I've learned in nearly 26 years of swimming in the dating pool and that thing has to do with the male species. I should note that this post is clearly my own opinions and also, as always, to be taken as lightly and not seriously as possible. So, if this offends you maybe just remember that I'm one less person you have to worry about being attracted to your man friend. You're welcome.



The Meat Head. This guy loves himself more than he'll ever love you, also more than you'll ever be able to love him. Don't even think about eating that box of Bagel Bites you're craving, he will call you out on it and probably insist you miss a meal and head straight to the gym to tighten up. Get ready for a life of sneaking McDonald's fries behind your man's back and lying about what you ate for lunch.



The Retired QB. This guy is still living in his glory days when everyone shouted his name from the stands and he had a different fangirl in his bed every night. You will continue to hear stories about the old football days, complete with photos, for the rest of your life if you settle down with this one. That is, if you can actually find yourself one of these who is interested in a committed relationship.

The Bro. Good god, this guy wears more pastel than you and there's a good chance he spends more time on his hair than you do. He loves to make an entrance in his silver BMW 5 series and taking chicks up to the fancy penthouse he lives in downtown, thanks to mom and dad. Sit back, relax, and start drinking heavily, because you're about to endure an entire evening of listening to The Bro talk about himself.

The Shy Guy. This one has all of the potential to be one of your favorite types of guys, especially if you met him at a bar. He's favorite potential right up until that liquid courage leaves his system and the conversation turns one sided because he's too shy to speak up. Sorry chick, unless you have plans to keep your man consistently drunk for the first 3ish months of dating him, you're probably not going to get much out of him. However, if you can make it passed those first few drunken nights, you might have found yourself a winner. Godspeed, my friend.


The Rockstar. He sings to you, he's a little scruffy, and you absolutely can not bring him home to meet your parents, but he's got all of the right words and knows exactly how to use them. The Rockstar might just be the most dangerous of all because he's so damn irresistible. Only issue here is that there's a 99.99999% chance he's playing you just as well as he plays his guitar. He's most likely sweeping at least 2 other girls off their feet at the same time you're swooning over him and, well, you are just another flavor on his menu.



And there you have it, an entire post proving that I'm pretty much bound to be single for the remainder of my life. Don't say I didn't warn you though.

Ho. Ly. Weekend.

It's my birthday week which only means one thing. Lots of Fireball shots! While I'm busy gettin' my drank on why don't you go ahead and enter this fabulous giveaway from my awesome sponsors.

Hello friends. Here I am, once again, a bit late for #backthatazzup and wondering why people even bother to link up with me anymore. My apologies, really.

This week(ish) long birthday celebration I'm working with is tough already and it isn't even my birthday yet. I have a feeling next week is going to be even crazier and I guess, really, I wouldn't want it any other way. Gotta love those friends of mine for enabling this drawn out celebration. I just still wish my Erin was going to be here. I miss that girl something massive. Sigh.

I digress.

Today let's chat about some things I'm really good at because I was reading Juliette's blog and she posted about things she was really good at and I thought to myself, "self, why didn't you think of this post?!". Truth is, Juliette is one of my new favorite bloggers and I'm kind of addicted to her blog and tweets.

Things I'm really good at:


Let's start with the obvious: Drinking. I don't mean to toot my own horn, or maybe I do, but I'm pretty damn talented when it comes to drinking le booze. I can take the drinks down and go head to head next to the guys. This has taken many, many years of training but I can't help but to be proud of such a skill. You would be too, trust.


Next up is singing the wrong words to songs. I might just be queen of this, really. I have a real knack for screwing up song lyrics and after nearly 26 years on this planet I've learned to embrace it. I mean, you take the song Blinded By The Light and switch those lyrics around to what I've got in my head, you'll never sing a song the right way again.

By the way, not posting the words I actually sing during that song because I don't want those search terms leading this way.




Pretending to be busy. I have mastered the art of looking busy when really I'm not doing a damn thing. You haven't seen skill until you've seen this girl take 2 hours to do a job that really only actually takes about 10 minutes to accomplish. I like to think I should probably thank working hourly for this skill.


. It's true, I'm pretty damn good at the damn twatter. I'm getting close to the 50,000 tweets mark, which only leaves me with one questions. Why am I not a verified account yet?! Seriously though, I really feel like my life wont be complete until this happens. If you know anyone who can hook this up, I'd be forever in your debt.


Taking forever to get my linkup posted. I think this one is self explanatory, really. My bad. Let's blame it on my birthday this week. And next week. Except next week I'll have that mofo scheduled because I think we all know there's no way I'm going to make it to blogland the day after my actual birthday.

My song this week is a total addiction. Enjoy.

Hey there, ho there. How ya durrin.
Never mind, It's not #backthatazzup time yet. (PS. see you tomorrow, maybe?)

Today is going to be an interesting one thanks to a little chat I had with my spirit animal, Whitney. No, I'm not talking about myself, I'm talking about the little lady who not only shares my name but also my birthday. Color me amused by that one. Still.

Anywhoodles, let's chat about something a little deep today. Not ocean deep, nothing that serious. This is kiddie pool deep, I'd say.

Like I've mentioned before, I've been labeled as a "relationship person" for as long as I can remember. Not that I ever really tried to always be in a relationship, it just always seemed to happen that way. I don't know if it was subconscience or what, but I just always found myself locked down with the next Joe Schmo soon after the last asshat kicked rocks.

With that being said, it's no surprise that this is the longest I've been completely single since Tyler M. held my hand for the first time back in 3rd grade. It's a serious change of pace, honestly. There are times when it feels so strange and unnatural to literally have no one to check in with. No one to explain my whereabouts to. No one to count on to cheer me up when I've had a horrible day. No one to take me out for dinner. It's just me.

I'll be honest with you, some days I want to go running back to my ex because of this and it's not something I'm proud of, or even something I'd actually do, but sometimes it's really easy to get caught up in that picture in my head of where I thought I'd be by 26 and how far away from that picture my reality really is. I'd be lying if I said that I never get lonely, because I do, but that's part of being single, right?


I'm really lucky to have an amazing group of friends who are constantly at an arms reach if I ever start to get down on myself or feel lonely. They're typically always up for doing something, whether it's getting me out of the house or just coming over and keeping me company, and I seriously feel like I hit the jackpot for having such a support system.

Here's the clincher... Why do I feel the need to constantly need people around me to feel good? I don't. I genuinely loathe this trait about myself and I'm ready to kick that habit harder than LiLo needs to kick her drug habits.

So, over the next two months, or so, I'm going to date myself. Because if I can't be happy and love dating myself, why would anyone else want to? I'm going to do all of the things I love about having a significant other (aside from, you know, the whole bedroom shebangbang...), but I'm going to do them all alone. Just me, myself, and I, kickin' it old school.

I'm hoping to document said dates here on the interwebz to keep myself focused on me. Because if you can't be completely selfish when you're single, when can you? Amiright?

I think I'll start with taking myself to a movie, or maybe even to one of my favorite restaurants.
Lord, I just hope I don't bore myself. Suddenly I'm nervous to go on a date with myself.
Shit's getting weird.

Once again, I had quite the Tasty Tuesday. What can I say? I really love Tuesdays. Actually, the actual day of yesterday kind of sucked but, as always, the nights never do disappoint. So, in true fashion, my brain is all over the place and I'm just going to let it vomit all over this post right now. And go...

- Is it wrong to have parmesan Goldfish crackers for breakfast? If so, I'm totally in the wrong today. They're just so delicious and I really didn't have the energy to take the time to spread cream cheese on a bagel. Not that I really need a bagel anyways...

- I beat my two guy friends in darts last night and did a happy dance around the bar. Then I took a photo of my winning shot because I'm a 16 year old girl in an almost 26 year old's body.

- Red Gatorade is really delicious, despite how much I loathe the Gators. I suppose they can have credit for this one. Just this one instance though.

- I also don't think those Gators knew how much of a hangover remedy they were creating. Mostly because I've been to Gainesville and they really just don't know how to do it like us Noles do.

- A lot of people give food trucks a lot of shit and I've gotta tell you, the ones in downtown Orlando don't deserve said shit. I've had some of THE best food at those trucks and last night was no exception. Two words: avocado tower. It absolutely blew my mind.

- Apples to Apples is one of the greatest card games on the planet and that's a fact, Jack. Even if my friends get slightly upset with me because when it's my turn to pick the winning card I never go by accuracy and always by which card makes me laugh. For example: Word - Disappointing. Winning card (picked by me) - My Love Life. Hilar.

** Yes, I've played Cards Against Humanity. **

- Oh, this song just came on. I love this song. Easily one of his best songs ever and I'll fight you on that.

- Is it football season yet?

- You know what's cool about football season, aside from everything? It gives us all a reason to go out Thursday through Monday. I'm all about that life.

- My allergies are trying to make me sound like a 80 year old who smokes 2 packs of cigs a day. It's really attractive. No wonder I have so many dates lined up.

- Speaking of dates, nothing new in the land of singledom over in these neck of the woods. You know, in case anyone was wondering.

- Being broke really makes you broaden your horizons. Or heavily lower your standards, depending on who's judging. Really though, I don't mind taking down a few PBRs on Tuesday nights. I mean, try and turn down a $1.50 beer. Not an easy task, my friends.

- The headaches for said $1.50 beer? Not so enjoying. Shout out to my off brand Advil for getting me through this work day.

- I wish it was next week already. That would mean today is my Friday because I get my birthday off. Speaking of birthday, I really hope I get next Friday off of work too. I have a feeling it's going to be a ROUGH one considering I've got friends who are already plotting and scheming on how to get me 21st birthday wastey pants. Hold me.

- Speaking of 21st birthday, I looked like a cupcake on mine. I'll have to find photos and report back. I don't know why I'm writing this right now, I realize that was kind of a tease. My bad.

- Pretty sure I need to get myself a cuban coffee here, once I'm done with this word vomit post. That stuff is intense, if you didn't know.

- On the topic of my birthday, I'm pretty sure the stupid airlines are going to prevent Erin from being here and, really, that's just horribly depressing. Wah.

- I should probably quit typing, on that note, before I get all sad and stuff.


See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.

If you haven't caught on by now, let me just make it clear that bloggers tend to get opportunities to post about things for compensation. It could be monetary, free items, etc. etc. Either way, most will agree, this is a pretty cool perk of being a blogger.

I'd like to think I've gotten pretty fortunate in this area and sometimes I even have to turn down offers, mostly because I refuse to post anything on this blog that I don't 100% believe in. Soooo, when I got the offer to post about something I used to have a serious love affair with, you better believe I jumped right out of my seat like I sat right on a tack.

Insert Hpnotiq:

If you're new here then you probably have no idea that Hpnotiq used to be my main drink and accessory of preference  when I was ahem younger. See how fashionable I was with said drink of preference? I even matched my outfit to the sweet nectar. Fashionista, that's me.


Anyways, I don't know if it's a coincidence but when Hpnotiq approached me to announce their Bling It On! contest, I couldn't say no. I mean, hello, this stuff is totally my youth. Ok, and now I'm getting all nostalgic and stuff.

But really, all you have to do to enter this contest is submit a glam photo of yourself looking far more glammy than little Whit up there does, and you might just win. From now until July 28th 2013, Hpnotiq wants you to show them how you GLAM LOUDER to win fab prizes! During the remaining challenge you can submit photos of the glammest head to toe look you can find. Entries can be pictures you snap yourself or images you find online.


Ready to Bling It On!? Hpnotiq wants to see how you pull it all together for a chance to win the ultimate accessory: the handbag of your choice valued at up to $1000! For this round they’re choosing 4 lucky winners to spend up to $1,000 on the fabbest bag they can find to compliment their glammest look! If you’re one of the 4 winners, you’ll also be able to compete in the final round for a chance to win the grand prize trip for you and three friends to go shopping with a celebrity Los Angeles! Even better - the grand prize winner will star in a professional photo shoot for the chance to be in a real Hpnotiq Ad!

Now, I know you're ready to enter. Visit here, or visit Hpnotiq’s OR follow @ on twitter and tweet them your picture using the hashtag #GLAMLOUDER.

Don't forget to check out the rules here so you don't miss out and as always, party on!

**This is a sponsored post by Hpnotiq but all nostalgic opinions are my own.

Last night I really wanted to do something, whether it was going out or having one of my girls over for tacos, I knew one thing and it was that I had no interest at sitting home alone in my apartment all night. Much to my disappointment, the only one of my friends who wasn't doing the grown up, responsible adult thing was my friend who was going to play kickball. She so kindly invited me to play on their team, since they were short girls, but I'm pretty sure she was really hoping I'd decline.

You know, because the only time I'm a star athlete is when we're talking Beer Olympics, or anything of that nature. Since I knew there was a possibility of having a ball kicked at me and me running in the opposite direction, screaming from it, I respectfully declined. Because, like, my plastic surgeon said to stay away from activities where balls are flying at my nose. 

So, there I was. Home alone in my one bedroom apartment with Erin's copycat Chipotle corn salsa recipe, some ground turkey, gelato, and wine. Duh.

I started getting a little mopey because, well, I've always been convinced that cooking for one is slightly depressing. I mean, how many recipes do you find that only make enough for 1 serving? Answer: not many. Sure, leftovers are great, but at what point do you just get damn sick of eating tacos?

That's when I did what any mopey, single girl would do... I text Erin and told her I was being a mopey loser, which is precisely when she reminded me that I don't have to share and cooking for one is awesome. Which I rolled my eyes at and explained to her that I thoroughly enjoy chatting while I chop. Well, that was until I took my first bite of the corn salsa. Then I knew exactly where she was coming from and I no longer wanted company in my apartment.


Seriously, go make that corn salsa and thank me later. Or thank Erin, since she's kind of the mastermind behind it.


Anyways, moving on. I sat on the sofa, flipped on 500 Days of Summer, and ate those tacos like they were my last damn meal. A couple hours later I followed up with some sea salted caramel gelato and Something Borrowed. It wasn't so bad. Not so bad at all.


You know, it's really easy for me to, kind of, fear nights like that because I'm constantly on the go. Whether I'm out with my friends, visiting my parents, at work, or whatever else it might be, I never seem to spend much time alone these days. Like I've said before, I can rarely sit still for longer than 10 minutes so I'm always agreeing to plans and whatnot to avoid the inevitable dark hole I've created in my head of what being home alone looks like.

Last night, though, I sat still and alone. For two whole movies and a few glasses of Chardonnay, to be exact. And guess what? I totally didn't hate it and it wasn't a lonely black hole at all. Now, would I want to do this every night? No, I sure wouldn't. It's just not in my bones to sit still and silent for long periods of time. Maybe I need some Ritalin? Really, though. All I know is that I survived my first night in and completely alone in lord knows how long and I think I could probably do it every once in a while and not hate it.

With that said, it's Tuesday which means it's back to the fast paced life I know in love. Hallelujerrr.

Happy Tasty Tuesday.
Focker out.