I Wore Yoga Pants to Work: March 2013

Friday, March 29, 2013

I shouldn't be responsible for link ups.

Let today be known as the day we all realized that I should not be responsible for any link ups.
Ooops.

#backthatazzup Friday!

The purpose: To start our weekend with some fantastic jams.

The station that inspired it: "Back That Azz Up" on Pandora Radio.

The rules: Link your jams up!

So, at the end of your Friday posts simply add a YouTube video or a Grooveshark play button of your song choice for the day and then link up with me so we can all get our weekend started off right with only the greatest jams of our time.

Happy Friday!

Grab a button, pick your jam, link up and let's get this weekend started off on the right foot!

My jam is straight from the Back That Azz Up station.

Link yours up too!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Thankful Thursday

Today I'm going to talk about some things I'm thankful for.
Because the words "thankful" and "Thursday" both start with the same letter, duh.
And also maybe because I have a few things to be thankful for. Even if it doesn't involve turkey, stuffing and family drama induced intoxication.

First thing's first -

André champs. Thanks for being you, champ. And thanks for making me so damn awesome at ~~champagne~~ beer pong last night. I owe you one, or 4.

Kelly (yes, with a Y, dammit.), Panda & Barb. I don't even know if you three will ever read this but I just want to thank you for being the best damn friends I've ever had. I love you three more than you'll ever know.

Random green coozie. Thanks a bunch for sticking around and keeping my drinks cold in public. Even though I'm pretty sure I've lost you, you have been my favorite little drinking buddy lately.

ZzzQuil. Where have you been all of my life? I love you. I love sleeping with you. (badum chhh)

Boss man. I sure as hell hope you never, ever, everrrrr read this. Like, ever. But thanks a heap for giving me tomorrow and Monday off with pay. I will be sure to make a few extra bad decisions tonight and Sunday. Yep.

Blake Shelton. Your new album is amazing, home slice. Congrats and thanks for the jams these last two days.

Rodan and Fields Soothe. Holy, holy balls. WHERE have you been my whole life? Seriously, though. You have been keeping my skin so smooth and breakout free and I am forever in your debt. I've always wanted to be able to use products like Proactiv but my damn skin has always been too sensitive. You are the perfect skin care line for my pissy skin.

Seriously people, this facial care line is amazing. As someone who has gotten more chemical burns from facial products, take my word for it - this is a miracle! Go visit the amazing Joanna's Rodan shop and check out all of her products. If you need help figuring out which line is for you, email her. She's amazing to work with! I am a forever customer, for sure.

Lastly, but not least, #backthatazzupfriday. I can't wait to see your fine ass tomorrow!! Who's linking up?

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

How I ruined my best friend's romantic evening.

It's Wednesday and I have absolutely no motivation to talk about celebrity eff ups today. The reasoning for my lack of motivation? Well, I went along searching for what happened over the last week and really all I was able to get was another shirtless photo of Justin Bieber, some more bullshit about Lindsay Lohan, and an almost Britney Spears nip slip. Yawn. I'll pass.

So, moving on.
Today I have to write about how I single handedly ruined one of my best friend's greatest nights ever because only something like this would happen to someone like me.
Seriously though, completely ruined one of the most romantic nights she's ever seen.

Quick backstory; This friend, or Kelly, she lives in the same apartment complex as me with her boyfriend. We became best friends since living in the same complex, obviously, and we spend quite a bit of time together.
She motivates me to make bad school night decisions, basically.

Yesterday was like any other Tuesday, I got off work and headed to Publix to pick up some typical groceries (aka wine), and then I headed to my apartment. Parked, got my normal cardio on by stacking all 8 grocery bags on every limb I've got, and then made my way inside.
I opened my fridge to put my bottle of wine in there, it needed to be chilled by the time I got back from walking the dogs, but the damn light didn't turn on. Ok, that's odd.

I then go around my house flipping switches, plugging things in, trying to figure out what the hell was going on because I knew I paid my bill earlier this month.
Or did I?

Well, I couldn't check on my computer because, you know, I had no mother effing power.
So I check on my phone, which has a whopping 32% battery life left.
Yep, March 9th payment to Progress Energy.
Ok, so I did pay my bill... What's the deal then? I could see lights on at my neighbors, why is it just my apartment?

Obviously a phone call to Progress Energy needed to happen.
If there's anything in this world I loathe more than coming home to an apartment with no power and a cell phone that's quickly dying, it's picking up the phone to call companies like Progress Energy and the cable company.
Ring, ring, "the next customer service representative will be with you in 8 minutes"...

Progress Energy guy: How can I help you, Miss Yoga Pants?
Me: My power is off... and, um, I paid my bill... which I'm guessing you hear a lot, so, you probably don't believe me... but I did and it's off and my apartment is getting hot and my ~~wine~~ fridge isn't chilling.
Progress Energy guy: Let me take a look at your account. *tap tap tap* *tappy tappy tap* ..............

(I imagine this guy was playing a quick round of paper football right here)

Progress Energy guy: Oh, well... Um... It... Oh.
Me: Yes? Oh, what? Where did my power go?
Progress Energy guy: It appears your payment was applied to a different account.
Me: Excuse me? -insert every expletive under the sun here-
Progress Energy guy: We will get this taken care of, ~~bitch~~ ma'am, just one moment please.

(More paper football here... maybe a snacky or two)

Progress Energy guy: Good news, we will be expediting this and late charges any charges accessed to this have been removed.
Me: Oh, ok....... so..... when will I have power then?
Progress Energy guy: Sometime by the end of the day.

So, I yell some more expletives and hang up the phone.
I decide I'll relax and take a nap, surely by the time I wake up I'll be in business. I mean, after all, it was their fault my power was off...
Wake up 2 hours later, nothing... no power. And my phone has 6% battery left.
To say I am pissed is a vast understatement.

Here's where Kelly comes in;
I text her to ask if I can come charge my phone in her apartment - no response. She's the type who always responds instantly. If she were a guy, she'd be horrible at playing hard to get.
Then I call her... no answer.
Ok, maybe Kelly's napping.

10 minutes later she calls me and tells me to come on up, the door's open, but don't mind the mess.
Both of our apartments are always a mess, so why would I even care? I just wanted power and maybe a cold glass of wine or beer. Or tequila shot. Whatever.

I go upstairs, open the door, and this is what I see:

Rose petals, candles, wine, oh... and this:

And then they asked me if I wanted to add anything to their sushi order they were placing.

Yep. Romance from a movie, staring the worst friend ever, yours truly; Whitney Yoga Pants.

Shit.

In my defense, she didn't tell me. And I was so in shock when I walked in that I didn't know what to say or do.

And that, my friends, is the story of my life.

Or really just how I ruined my best friend's most romantic night.

*edited to answer some questions: Yes, her boyfriend set all of this up for her. Yes, her boyfriend was there when I walked in. They were both sipping on their romantic wine together when I showed up.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Humble Pie

I never know how to start posts when I have something weighing on me that I want to put into writing. It's funny, my friends who aren't familiar with blogging have little to no idea that there's actually a community of people who also do this stuff and it's not just my blog thingy. So, when something from this community has a personal effect on me, it's really hard to explain to anyone who doesn't blog. Mostly because I have a complex and believe that I probably sound ridiculous when I mention that I'm emotionally effected by something that's happened to someone I've never actually crossed paths with in real life.

That's where I am today though. I'm feeling emotionally effected by some things I've seen floating around the blogosphere and the reason it's effecting me is because I can directly relate these emotions to my past experiences. More specifically, middle school and high school. Yesterday I, admittedly, shed literal tears at the expense of some posts that had me directly revisiting these old, dusty emotions I haven't seen in (thankfully) a really long time.

Now, I know I'm not the only person who was ever bullied or ignored in grade school. I mean, a strong part of me believes that a lot of us here in the blogging community were, because that's how I got to grow fond of writing. Even if, at the time, it was Live Journal I was writing to, it was the same concept. I'd get home from school feeling so small and insignificant, I'd open my laptop and that's where a good majority of my friends resided. It was my happy place, they were the only ones excited to hear about my day, and even if now I am no longer forced to deal with the pain of being ignored in such a way, I still feel this is a happy place for me.

So, what would I do if I realized that a large group from this happy place would turn their backs on me and make me feel those horrible small and insignificant feelings if I were to ever cross paths with them in public? Well, in short, I'd be mortified. And hurt. Most of all, completely and entirely heartbroken. Hell, none of this even happened directly to me and I'm mortified, hurt, and completely heartbroken, because yesterday I was mentally forced back in the cafeteria of my high school. Yesterday I was desperately searching for a pair of eyes to meet mine, inviting me to sit down and eat my lunch in a seat, as opposed to a bench alone in front of the school which I was inevitably forced to.

Am I saying that I am an angel and have never personally been a mean girl? Absolutely not. When you are treated the way so many of us were in grade school, it's almost inevitable that we will have a streak of evil that runs through us from time to time because our defenses were forced to stay up and strong for so long through all of that pain. Does it make me proud? Not even close. If I could erase every negative and/or judgmental thought that has ever run through my mind I would do it in an instant, but I can't. All I can do is realize that I am nobody because that's just what I am. I am a nobody who has zero business being nasty to anyone, just as those other mean girls never had any business being nasty to me.

I am a firm believer that everyone has something to give and if we count out people just based on what they wear, what color or shape they are, where they live, or any other damn thing that isn't similar to what we have going on, it's going to be a very lonely life. At the end of the day, the most loyal people I have found in my life are the ones who teach me things. They teach me to grow, they teach me to expand my horizons, most of all they teach me to be a better person.

I guess what I'm trying to get at here today is that, we shouldn't be the person who follows behind the mean girl who never got over the grade school nonsense, because at the end of the day she is no better than that mean girl who forced you sit alone.

Humble pie is a calorie-free dessert that tastes more delicious than any amount of sugar could possibly taste. No one ever got criticized for staying true to their heart and having sympathy and humility for others and I think maybe sometimes we need to stand back and realize that.

This is starting to get long so I'm going to leave on one last note, a quote from H. Jackson Brown Jr.

“Every person that you meet knows something you don't; learn from them.”

That's all I've got. Go be nice to people, please.
~~Spay and neuter your pets.~~
I'm out.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Shout Out To Mexico

Fun fact for everyone to start off this Monday:

When your blog sees 10,000+ pageviews in one day (when you're used to, oh, 3,000ish), you will feel like a rockstar and you will act on these rockstar feelings all weekend.

And then you will feel sleepy on Monday.
Or maybe that's just me...

This weekend raced by fast. I have no idea where it went, it's all kind of a blur, but I'd like it back, and I'd like it back right now. Please.

Thank you.

If you haven't heard, there was a super storm in sunny Orlando yesterday that took a couple trees out of commission and also took out some people's power, as well. Apparently.

I say "apparently" because I didn't see, or feel, an ounce of rain all day yesterday.

And I spent the day at Epcot.

To this I say, shout out to the tequila bar in Mexico for keeping me dry.

And hydrated.

Or dehydrated, if you want to get technical.

Yesterday will forever be known as the day my friends and I dodged the great March 24th storm by sitting in the La Cava del Tequila bar at Epcot for 2.5 hours.

Other shout outs I feel the need to give out today go to:

- RedBull's Limited Edition flavors. Specifically the cranberry and blueberry. I'm re-addicted to theBull all over again and I don't hate it. Even if my bank account begs to differ.

- Pink sparkly hats at Disney that make me want to star in a High School Musical movie. I could absolutely pull it off. And I'm only kind of talking about Zac Efron's clothing.

- Sangria Sunday. No need to elaborate on this shout out.

- Amazing friends. I'm a very lucky lady to be constantly surrounded by so many amazing people.

- Pink drank. Because pink is way prettier than purple. And I think also because it doesn't contain any actual forms of drugs. Win.

- VIP dock seating for the Epcot fireworks show, which was so bad ass and I'm just happy to report I still have my eyebrows. I began worrying when I felt the heat coming from the firesplosion in the middle of the lagoon.

Really, that's all I've got for you today.

I'm off to battle the intense Monday's I've got going on right now.

Oh, PS. Extra shout out to the word "ragout" for making me look like a total dumb ass yesterday. Maybe I am a natural blonde.

As always, linking up with Sami.

Friday, March 22, 2013

I really do wear them to work a lot.

Hey, I'm Whitney and I'm going to make this real short and sweet today.

Sometime around noon yesterday I got an email from a writer for the Washington Post asking to interview me about yoga pants. Obviously I said yes and now today I'm being quoted in the Washington Post.

I instantly told my two best friends and you know what their responses were? "Let's celebrate your blog thingy" so last night we did just that. We celebrated my blog thingy and we celebrated it hard.

I feel like a bus wreck today thanks to celebrating this very small victory but this isn't going to stop me from backing my azz up, no it will not.

Hey, also, it's cool they think I'm 24. Probably the best part.

#backthatazzup Friday!

The purpose: To start our weekend with some fantastic jams.

The station that inspired it: "Back That Azz Up" on Pandora Radio.

The rules: Link your jams up!

So, at the end of your Friday posts simply add a YouTube video or a Grooveshark play button of your song choice for the day and then link up with me so we can all get our weekend started off right with only the greatest jams of our time.

Happy Friday!

Grab a button, pick your jam, link up and let's get this weekend started off on the right foot!

My song this week is brought to you by my new #singlelife:

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Dude Answers to Chick Questions: First Edition

I was slightly stumped at what I wanted to write about today and then I looked at my sweet, light pink, ruffley decorative towels and a lightbulb went off. The only problem with this lightbulb is that I was going to need the help of a male to pull it off. Ok, easy enough, I know a bunch of those. Oh, not so easy, how do I explain to my guy friends why I'm bothering them with all of these questions? Because none of them know that I do this blogging thing in my spare time. Small details, they'll probably think I'm just being ~~Miley~~ Whitney.

Today I bring you some of my deepest male questions answered by one of my best guy friends...

The icebreaker:
Why do you use decorative towels to dry your hands?
- "Because we don't really care about decorations. And maybe because it's just a towel."

Well friend, maybe my pink ruffles don't really care about you! And maybe you're just a dude.

Moving on...
How successful is the "can I buy you a drink" line?
- "Probably 60-70%. Depends on if they are actually interested or if they're just looking for free shit."

Damn... This one was slightly more on point than I imagined it was going to be. Maybe I'm not as sneaky as I assume I am.

If you could be a girl for a day, what would you do?
- "Get away with stuff just for being a girl."

Ok, back on track and off point. I'm pretty sure if a guy could be a chick for a day, they'd probably just stand in the mirror and stare at their boobs all day. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Can you tell when a chick sucks at walking in heels?
- "Yes."
Does it make you laugh?
- "If it's really bad, yes."
Would you buy her a drink?
- "Probably. Why not?"

There it is, friends. You can look like an idiot and still manage a free drink or two. Maybe he wasn't so off on that last answer after all.

Do you ever dance in the mirror?
- "No, weirdo."

I'm calling 110% bullshit on this one and if you don't, well, then I think you're the weirdo, friend.

If you opened a chick's fridge and she had a box of wine in there, what would you think?
- "I don't drink wine but why is it in a box?"
What about if you opened her freezer and there was an 18-pack of Bagel Bites?
- "Her diet sucks."
So after discovering both of these things you wouldn't think she's the most awesome chick in all of the land?
- "I mean, I wouldn't judge her just off that, maybe the box of wine isn't hers..."

Pretty sure I definitely just got judged. He's lucky I love him like a brother or I'd kick him right in the man jibbs the next time I see him.
Also, to this I say, if you don't want drink boxed wine with me, you can go home. Bye.

Are beer goggles a real thing?
- "Yes. Absolutely."

I didn't really need a guy to explain this one to me, so it's a good thing I got zero elaboration on it. Not that there's really much to elaborate.
Ok, let's move on.

Do blondes, do they like, really have more fun?
- "I've seen both."
But you need beer goggles for the brunettes, right?
- "You are crazy and to answer the question, both, again."

I probably should have used a stranger for this interview. My friends know me too well, apparently.

And there it is, some of my deepest questions answered from a male perspective. I think I'm going to play this game the next time I go out and get a collaboration of drunk male thoughts. Yep, that's happening this weekend. Well, it is if I remember to do it. And if I remember to write down my answers. Someone remind me.

What questions would you ask a dude?

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Whitney's What the? Wednesday

Here I am again, back in the center, stressing about the time of day I'm posting at. Then I remembered what my boo Jesse McCartney once told me when we were having a personal conversation. He said, "don't stress. don't stress. don't stress. ~~just tell him to the left left left.~~", and I just thought about it, took a breather, and here I am.

Let's chat about some celebrity gossip, shall we?

Rapper Lil Wayne just got out of ICU from his overdose on my new favorite word, Sizzurp. (Seriously, what a great word. I've been trying to use it in every day jargon.) Thanks to TMZ I spent way too long stressing over this overdose on Saturday night because they reported that he was being read his last rights and that he was on life support and all of these horrible things which all turned out to be a big, fat, Kim Kardashian ass sized lie. Can I get an amen?

I'm thinking rehab with LiLo is Weezy F Baby's next stop but what do I know? I imagine getting this one off the sizzurp is going to be about as difficult as it was to find a photo of him that wasn't going to scare people off of my blog. He's like a blog scarecrow. Wait, what?

Speaking of LiLo, homegirl got glitter bombed on her way to court the other day. (Anyone else positive the bomber was Ke$ha?) Of course she was like 30 minutes late, sporting her favorite zero-shits-given outfit, and managed to dodge yet another jail sentence. And by dodge a jail sentence I mean that she agreed to some more rehab, a little dash of psychotherapy, a touch of garbage picking up, and a tiny little slap on the hand.

I bet she still has glitter in her hair.

It looks like another Hollywood couple bit the dust this week. Katy Perry and John Mayer have reportedly broken up. Again. Ho hum. I'm actually surprised that Johnny boy was able to keep it in his pants for her this long, she should get a medal or something because I think this has been a record for him.

I'm not really too sad about this break up. One, because Katy Perry is a totally dime and I'm sure she's got a million of dudes dying to motorboat her and two, Johnny Babe can come sing me a lullaby now.

This isn't really news, or shocking, but another Teen Mom star is up to no good. Farrah Abraham almost hit a cop car while she was drinking and driving, and she blew a whopping .147 which is almost double the limit. Oops. The best part of the story is that she had to go be all dramatic on Twitter, trying to insinuate that the story is a lie.

You know, because the breathalyzers cops use typically aren't accurate at all. Or always.

You know what's cool about being a famous athlete? You can cheat on your smoking hot wife with multiple strippers and bartenders, go through a uber public divorce, and still manage to find yourself a girlfriend. That's right, someone is dumb enough to date Tiger Woods and she's also an athlete. I'm not really sure where this chick's brain is but she lost it somewhere and she needs to go find it before Lil Wayne scoops it up and makes some Sizzurp out of it.

How long until Tiger's wood can't stay in his pants anymore?

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

The kind of sad that just takes time.

I'm aligning left today. Don't ask me why, I just am. I might just bebop around my alignment choices for the rest of bl-eternity and I'm okay with that. For those of you who asked: Yes, I really do get comments and emails about the alignment of my blog posts, in addition to remarks about the type of font I use, the size of it, the color of it, etc. etc. Can't please them all, I say. I'm just happy to be here.

Also, I really confused myself by posting late last night and now I don't know if I'm supposed to post again today or wait for tomorrow, or what. I don't know how I've managed to keep up with this blog for as long as I have. At times like this I really wouldn't mind a blogging handbook because I have no idea what I'm supposed to do, I'm just going to roll with it.

Anyways, over the weekend I rented the movie 'Perks of Being a Wallflower' from RedBox because I have never seen it before, but I have read the book, and it's been on top of my list movies to see. I didn't really know what to expect because, well, it has been about 10 years since I've even seen a copy of the book and my memory just isn't that fantastic.

Guys, this movie was nothing short of spectacular. In all seriousness, my wimp ass even managed to get a massive cry sesh out of it and I don't think it was the beer I was drinking. I think it really just resonated with me and gave me a lot of hope. Go watch it. It was amazing. Some of the quotes hit me hard, I really love when movies do that to me.

That one in particular. Woof.

Also, I've spent a good portion of today listening to JT's new album and I've gotta say I'm really digging it. I'd say 90% of it is some serious baby making music but that may also be because I've had a steamy, fiery crush on JT since he had blonde jerry curls and, really, he can do no wrong in my eyes. Pusher Love Girl and Tunnel Vision are my current favorites but that'll probably change once I repeat the album about 80 more times.

Do people still call them albums anymore? Either way, that damn Jessica Biel is a lucky little biatch. Not that we didn't all know that before today.

I think that's all I've got for today unless you want to hear about how I had some chickpeas on my salad for lunch today that changed my life. They really were delightful. Like I said, I confused myself yesterday. I'll get it together one of these. Maybe. Probably not.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Must Take More Baths

Oh, looky here. Looky here.

It's now 12 hours after I typically post and I'm just now deciding to show my face around here. Sorry about that. I assume most of you have probably predicted the reasoning behind my absence today, especially if you were around Twitter at all, so I'm not sure I need much of a weekend recap. Especially if you graced Twitter at all during it. All I know is I have a golfball-sized bruise on my right arm and I was afraid to breathe on the elevator today, in fear that I might still smell a liquor store.

Anyways, I'm not really used to this night posting stuff and I don't know what, exactly, I'm going to write about. I'm just shooting from the hip tonight. Hope that's okay.

I'm coming to you tonight from a pink bath of Lush. And by Lush I mean an actual Sex Bomb from Lush.

Don't worry, I don't actually have my computer in the bathtub with me, though I'm not entirely sure why I don't. I have a lot of faith in this wine wrack doo-dad my wine is currently sitting on. And, really, a lot less faith in my ability to hold this phone of mine over a small body of water for any given amount of time. If this never gets posted, we know why. If it does, have a glass of wine for me.

I had a bit of anxiety before I hopped in this bathtub and it's suddenly disappeared. Why is this the first time I've ever taken a dive into this thing, anyways? I'm not sure if it's the Chardonnay, the lavender from the sex bomb, the warm water, or maybe a combination of the three, but I'm feel really relaxed and at ease. Hallelujah. I'm going to do this more often. Someone please hold me to that.

I don't imagine bathtubs are even remotely this large in the type of NYC apartments I'm going to be living in. Yes, I really need to take advantage of this while I can.

Speaking of wine, how am I drinking right now? Even if it's just one glass, thinking about how I felt when I woke up this morning... well, I must be crazy. Yes, that. We already know that though. Damn you, St. Pat, for holding your day of drinking on a school night. I really should have drank water last night.

I've recently gotten some slack for writing my blog posts centered. I have been testing out both ways lately and I can't figure out if I really have a preference. I don't know why I'm writing about this right now, but I am. I guess I'll make a choice one of these days. If you have thoughts on this, feel free to chime in.

I think I'm going to go now. This is the most random post in the history of this damn yoga pants blog. Maybe I'll recap my weekend tomorrow, maybe I wont. Time will tell.

Hold me to taking more baths, this has been fabulous.

Friday, March 15, 2013

I am not a bad ass.

Today is dedicated to those of you who called me brave and/or bad ass yesterday for getting a tattoo, because I am the farthest thing from brave. Or a bad ass. And that's an understatement.

Here's a list of things that scare the crap out of me on a daily basis:

Driving. I hate it, I'm horrible at it. I sometimes feel like crying when people honk at me.

Drive-thru car washes. I'm convinced a monster is going to attack my car one of these days.

An empty shower with a closed shower curtain. There is, without a doubt, always someone waiting for me with a knife behind a closed shower curtain.

Walking the dogs at night. I live in a safe apartment complex that has many street lights, but I assure you someone wants to toss me in their trunk.

My dad says they'd return me very quickly once I started talking.

Things hitting my windshield. You better believe I flinch every time a small leaf hits my windshield.

I cried when I had to get a finger prick at the doctors when I had the flu. I may, or may not, have also adorned the nurse's shoes with a little barf. Oops.

My heart always races a little too fast when I get phone calls from unknown numbers. Obviously it's someone calling to steal my virtue.

That's all I can think of right now, but I know there's a million more.

___

And now it's time for my favorite time of the week...

#backthatazzup Friday!

The purpose: To start our weekend with some fantastic jams.

The station that inspired it: "Back That Azz Up" on Pandora Radio.

The rules: Link your jams up!

So, at the end of your Friday posts simply add a YouTube video or a Grooveshark play button of your song choice for the day and then link up with me so we can all get our weekend started off right with only the greatest jams of our time.

Happy Friday!

So, grab a button, pick your jam, link up and let's get this weekend started off on the right foot!

And here's my choice for this week:

Because if Nsync and Nelly weren't the best duo I don't know what was.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Live Fearless

When I go through break ups I tend to get a little wild. Not full on pulling a Britney kind of wild, but I definitely tend to shake things up. Some people probably think this is not a good thing but I kind of like it. It makes me feel human. It makes me feel me again. It's all a part of adapting to the change.

I recently went through a break up, by the way. Here's the post if you're new here. Or if you missed it. I'll forgive you for missing it later. Maybe.

As I mentioned earlier this week, I'm working on my pursuit of happiness and I'm trying to make some big changes in my life. Change isn't necessarily something I'm afraid of but it does tend to make me a little more ~~crazy~~ spontaneous and daring. These changes I'm trying to make would put the fear of God in a lot of people but I've been living by one motto lately and that motto is

live fearless.

And that brings us to exhibit A through Z...

My newest addition:

Yes it's real, yes it hurt, yes I realize it's in a very visible place. And to that last part I say, it is easily coverable by a jacket. Hell, even a 3 quarter length shirt.

I love it. Don't rain on my parade.

The amazing Kaitlyn designed it for me. I'm forever in her debt.

I can do this.

And in a year I'll look back and say, "Self, you did it.".

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Whitney's What the? Wednesday

Let's start this week off with my favorite sexy boyband man turned solo artist, slash movie star, slash all around marry-me-please man, Justin Timberlake. Who knew he had it in him (and those little CeeLo hands) to fire back at Kanye after Kanye talked smack about the JT-JayZ-Suit & Tie duet? Not me, that's for sure. Maybe it's because I'd be genuinely scared of Kanye intruding on my winning an award in the near future, but I just wouldn't want to stir things up with him.

It's a good thing our Nsync heart throb is nothing like me because he just went on Saturday Night Live and basically told Kanye he was going to let him finish but.... "awww, my hit's so sick got rappers acting dramatic". As if I couldn't love this man anymore, he just keeps on making me swoon. I like to think T.Swizzy got a nice chuckle out of this. I know I did.

If you were unaware, Lady Gaga has recently cancelled the last leg of her tour due to an injury. Monsters everywhere are sobbing while I didn't realize she still existed but, low and behold, she does and she is rocking this injury like it's her job. Which is actually, pretty much, exactly what it is at this point considering she can't really do many strange and bloody piano performances now that she's out of commission.

So, in true Gaga form, she is riding ~~dirty~~ in this gold wheelchair which screams "diva", if you ask me. Do your thing, Gags.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star, Adrienne Maloof, has been up to some frisky business. And by that I mean that she has been cougaring it up with Rod Stewart's cougar bait son, who is 20 years younger than her, for about two months now. I don't know about you but I can't imagine anything that could possibly go wrong with this picture. Except for everything.

And everything is exactly what went wrong. She broke up with him because she needs "a man". Well Adrienne, as they say, "on to the next one". Get your cougar on, girl.

I wasn't going to mention Tay Tay Swizzy today since I mentioned her last week but, once again, she's in the news and I just couldn't let this one pass by. It turns out some overly enthusiastic ~~dumpster diver~~ woman found a large bag of fan mail addressed to Swizzy and decided it was her duty as a law abiding citizen to go straight to the media with it. Letters adorned with heart stickers and glitter flooded the bag with no hope of Tay ever seeing them. You know, because I'm sure she always reads every single letter that people send her. One at a time. Over a glass of wine. You know, just like I do.

I know, first hand, that receiving mass amounts of fan mail can be entirely exhausting. I just hope she didn't offend any goat fans because I'd really like those videos to keep on rolling out. (insert goat emoji here)

And lastly, probably the worst news of the week. Worse than the 16+ celebrities and politicians who have been hacked (yes, that happened too). Something that I feel personally effected by, because I am a 13 year old teenybopper. It appears that Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are donezo. Caput. Fineto. They haven't been spotted canoodling in quite some time, which is way out of the ordinary for them, and also I'm pretty sure Liam cheated on Miley which makes me loathe him, despite that gorgeous face of his. All of these things aside, there's been multiple "insider" tips insisting that the ring is off and they have parted ways. Sigh.

I only wish that she would come to terms with the fact that her and I are meant to be best friends forever and ever so that we could do the newly single-and-ready-to-mingle thing together.

And really, I can't go on anymore today.

I need to go sulk in that last bit of news and pray that Miley doesn't pull a Britney and shave that little bit of hair she's got left on her pretty head.

A moment of silence for Miley and Liam, everyone.....

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Here lies Whitney, she had a dream larger than her brain.

Hello Blog, I'm here today with no clothes on in public, baring my ~~goodies~~ soul for all of the interwebz to see. I'm imagining my blog doing a small strip dancing number for everyone right now. That ho.

I'm here today to express my pursuit of happiness and how I plan to get there. I'm here today to hold myself accountable for the feelings I feel bursting from my very core that have kept me preoccupied for over 2 weeks now. Today I admit that I've been dreaming up some big dreams, bigger than I even know what to expect, and my journey there hasn't even scratched the surface yet.

Get to the point, ho bag. Woof.

Source: via on

New York City, the most incredible city on this planet. Don't try to tell me differently because it is, dammit, and I refuse to listen to anyone who disagrees. Full on holding my ears and sticking my tongue out at the disagreers.

Somewhere through the haze of only getting a combination of about 12 hours of sleep in 3 days and unlimited Sunday morning mimosas the day my flight from New York City to Orlando was, I started feeling really uncomfortable and upset. Upset like when I couldn't get my way when I was little. Uncomfortable like when I lose something important that I need soon. I was basically throwing an internal temper tantrum from the minute I stepped in the cab to head to the airport up until, well, I think still to this day, over two weeks later.

I need to be there. But how? How does one just pick up and move away from a place she has resided in for a large portion of 25 years, with the exception of living four hours away in college for two years? Am I crazy? Absofriggenlutely. Am I at risk to fail in front of all of my friends and family (and now the entire interwebz) after they've watched me put all of this effort in to such a life changing thing? Yep, yep, checkmate. Am I petrified of moving to a city that gets substantially colder than Florida and could possibly freeze to death after getting lost on the subway? Big time. A whole lot.

Ok, so, now that's all out there on the table. I am, in fact, a crazy chick who may, or may not, freeze to death somewhere beneath the streets of Manhattan all because I have this crazy dream to become New York City's newest resident. My tombstone will read, "Here lies Whitney, she had a dream larger than her brain.".

Hopefully it will be more along the lines of what my mom said when I told her about this mission to happiness I'm on. "Ever since the first time we took you to New York, you had stars in your eyes."
She's far more poetic than I could ever dream of being.

Source: vi.sualize.us via on

I guess now would be the time to admit that I have been writing cover letters like I'm getting paid $1 million dollars a piece, my resume has been submitted to companies I don't think will ever even wink an eye at me and LinkedIn is my new Twitter/Facebook/Instagram. All of the above is equally as exhausting as it sounds. And if you don't think that sounds exhausting, well, I wish you weren't such a liar.

In addition to sending out all of these resumes and cover letters, I have contacted just about anyone I can think of in my life who has even remotely had some type of connection to New York City. I may, or may not, have even offered to be a dog walker or a house keeper. You can call me desperate, it's ok. I am, too. Unfortunately there's few times in my life that there aren't dirty dishes in my sink and I let my dogs go leash-less at least once a day. Small details, I say.

Really though, I am actually doing this. Serious face right now, which I know is pretty difficult to believe coming from me, but I'm really real life right now. So serious that I've even made the infamous drunk vlog private for the time being... which could possibly be one of the most positive things to come from my pursuit of happiness. I'll let you decide the fate of that one.

Holy shit. Am I really doing this? Yes, God willing, I absolutely am.

Source: thecools.com via on

I have already removed 96% of the doubts from my mind. I have already exercised the fact that I may not feel the same love affair I feel for my city after a year of living there. Or a month. I have already realized that being away from everything I've known here in Florida for 25 years will be way more than a couple hour car ride away. Lastly, I have already realized that once I move there I may never become Samantha Jones or Carrie Bradshaw, and I guess I'm okay with that. There are so many questions I could continue to harp on but where will that get me? Central Florida, that's where. Also known as, nowhere.

If I don't go after this dream now, when will I? I'm here, I'm young, I have nothing holding me back. No chains, no real career, ~~no asshole (uhem)~~ no relationship. I am the epitome of young, wild and free, and it's about damn time I use it to my advantage.

So, yeah, big changes are hopefully in my (very) near future. Well, you know, as long as some fabulous person in NYC decides to take a chance on hiring the little blonde chick from Florida. Please Wine Gods, don't let this be a big, fat fail in my life photo album. New, fancy pants, New York City job, come to mama. I'll even be okay if it's one that I can't wear yoga pants to.

This is my personal pursuit of happiness. Sit back, relax and watch the madness.
May it end as gracefully as I have envisioned it in my head, which is kind of like a hippopotamus trying to do ballet.

Source: my-purple-dreams.blogspot.com via on

Linking up with Helene today, so it's her fault if I fall on my face in front of the entire ~~blog~~ world.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Hangover Monday

Well, hey there. It's Monday and I'm not really sure how I managed to make it to work on time, but I'm here and I'm just doing my best not to fall out of my desk chair. I think it's safe to say that I'm overly thankful that there's such thing as link ups for days like today so that I don't actually have to use my brain any more than absolutely necessary.

Friday night was one of those nights I really can't help but wonder why I'm not a reality star yet. While sitting at the bar next door to my apartment complex an older gentleman, probably in his 40's, who had a button down shirt on that should have been buttoned up a few more times, approached me. He mentioned that he had seen me walking my "two white dogs" around the complex and even went as far as to apologize for his Uhaul pods that were parked outside of my back door for 6 days. Then he decided we were going to be best friends and he began showing me photos of his golden doodle who he referred to as his "main lady". I have no idea what his name was but he thinks my name is Nancy, Nanc for short, and I'm pretty sure I need to start carrying pepper spray or maybe a knife when I walk my dogs.

Friday night was probably the first time I really haven't enjoyed single life.

Just kidding, this shit is awesome. Creepers or not.

Saturday I got to go on a blog date, or a "blate" as the cool kids are calling it lately, and I didn't get catfished so that was really cool. I also got to drink pina coladas on the beach which was pretty much enough to cancel out any instances of creeper strangers from the internet that I shouldn't have agreed to meet. But hey, they were actually really not creepers at all and if our blate was any indication of what all blates are like, I'm going to be doing them a lot more.

Thanks for a fabulous blate Rachel and Lisette!

Sunday... Sunday was... well, Sunday was referred to as Blackout Sunday and we did just that. It was intense and in addition to waking up still partially feeling drunk, I also woke up with a random coozie in my purse that I don't recall obtaining. Both equally exciting things to wake up to after Blackout Sunday. My text messages, however, were not so great to wake up to. Apparently single Whitney really enjoys texting just about everyone in her phonebook after she takes a few shots. My sincere apology to those of you who received said messages, if any of you are reading this. Blame it on Nancy.

And to think, Blackout Sunday started at brunch food trucks. Seemingly innocent but looks can be deceiving says my puffy, bloodshot eyes this morning.

PS. These are red velvet pancakes and they changed my life.

And that brings me to Hangover Monday.

See you tomorrow, blogland.

Friday, March 8, 2013

It's #backthatazzup Friday!

A couple of days ago one of the queens of blogging, Erin, tagged me to do one of these posts and when a queen tells you to do something - you do it. So, I'm doing it.

Also, I know I'm no queen, but I'm tagging Ty Ty, Erin and Whitney. (look familiar?)

Uno.

I whole heartedly believe that jumping on the bed is an adequate workout.

Call me a monkey, it's okay.

Really though, it does get my heart going. That's probably a sign of my lack of time spent at the gym.

Dos.

My favorite holiday is my birthday... Followed by St. Patricks Day and Cinco de Mayo.

All three are holidays where drinking is required.

All three make me smile like a damn moron.

Three.

I was a bartender for 2 years and I really loved it.

I got to get people drunk and hear people's life stories every day. It was like being the life of the party and getting paid for it.

These days I just bartend for myself. And don't get paid for it.

Four.

I left my heart in NYC. And my scarf.

Seriously, I don't know where my scarf disappeared to but it didn't make it back to Florida.

RIP Black Scarf

NYC, I'll be back soon, my love.

Five.
I have a very large collection of nail polish and I thought I was going to be a nail polish blogger.

Obviously we all know that never happened.
Anyone want to come over and have a polish and booze party?

PS.... New weekly link up here!

Lasssstttlllyyyy. I just decided, about 20 minutes ago, that I wanted to add a linkup to my Friday posts.
You see, on Fridays I always listen to the Pandora Radio station called "back that azz up" and I've since created a Twitter hashtag for the occasion - #backthatazzupfriday. If you follow me on , you already know this.

Anywayssss... I want more people to join in and get our playlists going strong.
So, at the end of your Friday posts simply add a YouTube video or a Grooveshark play button of your song choice for the day and then link up with me so we can all get our weekend started off right with only the greatest jams of our time!

So, grab a button, pick your jam, link up and let's get this weekend started off on the right foot!

This week, I'm going to stick with the inspiration for this tradition.

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