Wednesday, October 9, 2013

My Super Sober 21st Birthday

I am very (very) late for class today, but I promise I have a decent explanation. You see, 5 lovely blogging ladies (Juliette, Allie, Sami, Adriana, and Brittany) have decided to host a little link up today for us blog peoplez to discuss our 21st birthday. In typical me fashion, I woke up this morning completely unprepared but really wanting to participate, so I made the executive decision to show up late to class. I'll try to make your wait worth it, Teach, I promise.

You see, I took my 21st birthday very seriously, as I'm sure most of you could probably have guessed. Not only did I go out at midnight the night of, a large group of my friends and I took a school bus turned party bus to a night club in downtown Orlando and proceeded to swim our way through 8 bottles of liquor. Mind you, that was after my close friends and family had birthday dinner over 6 bottles of champagne.

It was quite the evening.

July 31st, 2008

When I got home from work on the eve of my 21st birthday my ex-fiance (boyfriend at the time) had a pretty sweet spread waiting on me and that cake was straight from Coldstone, aka one of his most favorite cakes, but that's neither here nor there. I gave him the cake and helped myself to the fully stocked fridge of booze to pregame my midnight celebration.

Luckily, nearly all of my friends had already turned 21 so I was able to scoop up a few for the midnight celebration. We hoochied up and my boyfriend at the time drove our eager asses to a bar downtown at precisely 11:56pm. To say I was excited to get carded would be a vast understatement.

And then I was that girl who took a picture of the clock that night.
I wish I could say this was a one time occasion but, typically, I end up with a midnight clock shot every year. Sorry, I'm kinda sorry. Soberly admitting this is slightly shameful.

We did some damage that night and things ended up pretty weird, as you can see by my napkin hat.

August 1st, 2008 - My 21st Birthday, bitches.
Ooooh, the day I never, ever want to re-live (like, ever), which ironically was one of the best days of my life.

We had dinner at the restaurant my parent's owned at the time with a few family members and my close friends. Somehow I ended up managing to get pretty trashed from the get-go at said dinner. I didn't hate it.

Did I mention I was dressed as a cupcake? Yeah, because that definitely happened.
Holla, Betsey Johnson.

This is pretty much the gist of the people we shoved into the party bus that night... I can't say for sure, because you're about to see a 21 year old blonde girl who absolutely blacked out on her birthday, but I'm pretty sure more people showed up and met us at the club later.

My big brother even came with us... he brought his pit stains and everything!

The party bus was.... insane. It had a stripper pole, which I managed to stay far away from thankfully, and couches all around the perimeter. If I remember correctly, which is questionable, there were also a bazillion crazy party lights and a disco ball. I wish that sucker would drive me around on the regular, really.

This is the soberist photo I have of myself from this night, and most definitely for the rest of this post.

When we got to the club, bottles of liquor lit on fire were being passed all around me. I'm not really sure who agreed to let those things near me in my state, but no one died so I guess it's all gravy. If you can't tell from my expression, I was happier than Honey Boo Boo sitting in a bucket of sketti and ketchup.

At one point through the night I made my best friend come with me to the bathroom because I was so full and needed to puke. She held my tiara while I, so lady like, proceeded to vom champagne, cake, vodka, and god only knows what else, like a champion. Once I was done, I gave the ol' vodka catcher a rinse and we headed back out to the dance floor to continue the festivities.

I'm fairly certain my friend and I are still the only ones who know about this little puke break to this day. Well, and now whoever reads this, I guess.

Keeping the duck face real since '08, y'all.

Also, I believe that is my sad, sad attempt at chucking up my deuces. Nailed it.

I then walked away to go see the bartender that was working one of the bars downstairs because she so happened to be the one who's ID I had been using for the last 2 years. (hashtag such a rebel) While I was down there, some woman introduced herself to me as Chris Rock's assistant and proceeded to buy me three top shelf cosmopolitan martinis as a birthday gift. I don't really believe that she was Chris Rock's assistant but, hey, if she wanted to pour $18 martinis down my throat for fun, have at it, sister.

I know this one's a blurry one, but I'm sure you can appreciate the small details you can see. I was definitely sober Sally, duh.

Speaking of sober Sally, the boyfriend I had at the time was in charge of keeping everyone's money together for the bottles that night. He ended up getting even more hammered than I was and losing half of the money. When it came time to pay the $6,000 tab (Don't freak out, there were a lot of people and everyone paid their portion.) he couldn't find the money and decided it was all my fault. This is when it was really fun having my big brother present... he put a stop to that yelling real fast. I still owe ya for that one, big broski. 

This is, unfortunately, the last photo of me from the night... I believe I was attempting to be a rockstar but slightly confused as I'm throwing up the ASL sign for I love you. Such a hard ass, I am. Also, please note I am holding on to a fire extinguisher box and leaning against the wall. You can imagine the scene it was getting that girl up there back on the party bus without face planting in the middle of downtown Orlando. Oh, if only Instagram video was a thing back then.

And there you have it, my friends. My calm, low-key, mostly sober twenty first birthday. Which I never, ever want to relive because I honestly think I'd die.

Really though, I might need to go pop an Advil just reliving the night through these pictures. Oy.


  1. October 9, 2013 at 5:52 PM

    I don't even.... $6,000... I feel like you drank the entire Gulf of Mexico in alcohol...a cupcake...flaming bottles...HOW WAS THIS NOT A TV SHOW.

  2. October 9, 2013 at 5:53 PM

    Oh girl. I'm loving it. You look like such a little bebe Whitney. That dress is pretty darn snazzy. I feel like our 21 year old selves would have had a blasty together.. or would have died. I'm not sure.

  3. October 9, 2013 at 5:55 PM

    Oh my gosh! I love this debauchery! From the betsy johnson dress (classic!) to the $6,000 bar tab, this is an epic 21st birthday! Puke and rally is such a vital move on nights like this....if only it was acceptable in the real world ha ha

  4. October 9, 2013 at 5:59 PM

    YOU ARE SO CUTE... and wait I love your tiara because you know my ass wore one too and of course I blacked out too but I didn't admit that on my post so can that be our secret?! ;)

  5. October 9, 2013 at 5:59 PM

    look at da wittle baby whit! Can we all have a party like that when we turn 30? With a $6,000 tab... cause that's just bad ass. PS funny name of that first bar womp womp

  6. October 9, 2013 at 6:05 PM

    Aaahh your 21st looks like it was amazing/you were definitely the definition of a birthday princess and I mean that in the best possible way.

  7. October 9, 2013 at 6:16 PM

    $6K .. wow...i can't help it..i'm freaking out!! lol!

    i definitely didn't get as drunk on my 21st bday as I expected...i was so excited that so many people came out to celebrate I was doing a terrible job of I had just got back from doing a summer semester in panama, where it was legal for me to drink so i think i'd really pushed my alcohol tolerance through the roof!

  8. October 9, 2013 at 6:31 PM

    I was so confused by that title. Whitney? Sober? 21st? But don't worry, I'm caught up now! Haha.

  9. October 9, 2013 at 6:48 PM

    there was so much crazy in this post but the $6k wiped it all away...that's all i took from this. wow!

  10. October 9, 2013 at 7:09 PM

    whoa thats one cray cray twenty first and the puke thing....I believe there's a down with webster song about you...its called Work

  11. October 9, 2013 at 7:26 PM

    LOLOL. I actually told my friends after my 21st birthday that I was so proud of myself because I didn't puke all night and couldn't figure out how that happened. That's when they said..."uh, yeah you did. We held your hair back in the bathroom at TTT's. (Clemson bar) Around 10:00." So yeah, there was that. These are exactly the 21st shenanigans that make 21sts so much fun! xo

  12. October 9, 2013 at 7:48 PM

    hahahahah! Love how you stayed so sober!!

  13. October 9, 2013 at 7:55 PM

    Every girl deserves to wear a fancy dress like that! I wore a pink one in that same style and felt like Barbie! I still remember telling everyone I was Barbie that night *insert blushing face here* $6k tab?! Go big or go home, right?! XO

  14. October 9, 2013 at 8:28 PM

    Your 21st seemed like the kind that should have been recorded by MTV. Lol seriously you had a ball!

  15. October 9, 2013 at 8:34 PM

    Fun stuff! I've always wanted one of those party buses! Sounds like a complete low key night for sure..ha!

  16. October 9, 2013 at 8:39 PM

    Wow you had an awesome time! The pictures are hilarious!

  17. October 9, 2013 at 9:12 PM

    Oh wow. I can't even imagine a night like this. My 21st birthday actually was very sober. (I wrote about it on Tuesday because I was wrong about the day.) I made up for it on my 30th though.

  18. October 9, 2013 at 10:33 PM

    Most of my 21st bday pics look just like that! Especially the over-the-shoulder kissy face. Is it a girl thing?

  19. October 9, 2013 at 11:21 PM

    Um this is amazing. Totally amazing! You look stunning the whole night. What's your secret?!

  20. October 10, 2013 at 2:04 AM

    What an awesome way to celebrate your 21st! I also did mine in style!! Though it wasn't such a FUN party.. I rented out a bar at a five star hotel, dyed my hair blonde, bought a teal green dress... hosted a cocktail party where the bar made over $4500.00 from my friends (some ditched the bar tab.. bastards) aaaand then I got a surprise of my life by MY ex... (boyfriend at the time) having a weekend at said five star resort!! AMAZING.

    I liked your cupcake dress actually!! You looked stunning! ;)

    Pop that advil! I may too now xxx

  21. October 10, 2013 at 6:05 AM

    lol looks like you had a blast
    happy belated


  22. October 10, 2013 at 8:33 AM

    OMG! Hysterical! I remember going out at midnight the night before, knocking over a couch, and waking up with some serious bruises. It was a blast. But unfortunately, I could barely drink on my actual birthday. Rookie mistake.

  23. October 10, 2013 at 9:09 AM

    wow. Epic would be the words there girl. haha

  24. October 10, 2013 at 9:50 AM

    Aw looks like the perfect way to celebrate your 21st birthday! Love the cupcake dress & tiara!

  25. October 10, 2013 at 9:51 AM

    Damn $6,000!!!! WHOA. I would have been impressed if you had said $600, but $6,000? I'm not even mad.

  26. October 10, 2013 at 10:06 AM

    Can I borrow this dress?

  27. October 10, 2013 at 11:04 AM

    This is amazing! Sounds like my 21-er. Except, I couldn't drink the next day, after going out at midnight!!

  28. October 10, 2013 at 1:10 PM


  29. October 10, 2013 at 1:27 PM

    Just looking at these pictures gives me a hangover! haha. I bet you enjoyed the next day :)

  30. October 10, 2013 at 2:02 PM

    Wow. At least you remember yours :)

  31. October 10, 2013 at 2:11 PM

    Just thinking about my 21st birthday makes me hurt. I was already working in the liquor industry, so all of my coworkers came out and a WHOLE LOTTA liquor was expensed on company credit cards that night. ouch.

  32. October 10, 2013 at 6:01 PM

    I absolutely love the fact that you dressed like a cupcake!! That is amazing!!! On my 21st Birthday I ended up having to hide from a bartender who was out with friends because she had been serving me for 3 years and now walking around wearing a "21st Birthday" tiara. We had even gone to a different city to avoid all the bars I had been already drinking in for years! Oops!

  33. October 11, 2013 at 7:04 AM

    ♥ BEAUTIFUL, i love your pictures!

  34. October 11, 2013 at 6:55 PM

    This is HYSTERICAL, love it! I definitely do not have that many photos from my birthday!

    Sparkles and Shoes

  35. October 12, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    Oh sweet baby Franzia. I soooo wish I knew you when I lived in Florida. I def. would have partied like a rockstar with you.

  36. October 12, 2013 at 12:53 PM

    Is it weird that all I kept thinking about is how perfect your makeup looked? Probably because I have ZERO makeup skills. You looked amazing!! So glad big bro was there to set the douche straight, and I am envious of all your fun, drunken shenanigans! You know how to party right!

  37. October 13, 2013 at 1:12 PM

    Holy hell! Now THAT's how you welcome 21! I agree about the perfect makeup, how the hell do you do that?! Also, I don't get the puke breaks. When it comes time for me to say hi to John, I am DONE for the night. I almost wish I could keep going, but really, it's probably for the best.


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