Friday, October 12, 2012

A little morning tap is a good thing.

Today, a letter to my alarm clock:

Dearest Alarm Clock,

I feel I do a pretty bang up job making you feel special and loved.
I mean, I turn you on at least 5 days a week. Ask most men, they'd love to be turned on 5 days a week.
I even bang tap you a little in the mornings. Again, ask most men, a little morning tap is a good thing.
Yes, I know I push your buttons from time to time but I feel I'm a pretty great companion to you.

I don't understand why you feel the need to scream in my ear when I'm out cold. Do you know what this does to me?
If my main hair coloring homeboy, Julienne, wasn't such a champ at his job I would fear going grey before I hit 30 because of you. 
Waking a sleeping person by scaring them shitless is really bad form.
Really bad form, actually. Once I attempted to wake a sleeping drunk person by scaring them... they peed their self.
I'm not trying to pee myself before 8am while sober, ya heard?

Also, I know you heard me and the boyfriend putting down that extra large bottle of cab last night.
You may not be aware but we don't buy the expensive shit.
A quick lesson for you, cheap wine usually means headache in the morning. You know, the way I assume cheap batteries would make you feel.
Yes, I had a headache this morning - in case you were wondering. You made it worse, you big ass hole.

The next time you feel so inclined as to continually scream in my ear at 7am at least bring me a bagel and coffee. You know, common courtesy for the passed out working girl.
I don't get to snooze all day like you do, you lazy ass.

Thanks for your time, enjoy your snooze all weekend long.
I'll hate your stinking guts if you pull this shit tomorrow or Sunday morning. 
Keep in mind, I know you prefer Duracell but I have the power to put Walmart brand in your ass.
Get the picture?


  1. October 12, 2012 at 9:29 AM

    Hahahaha, yes!! I love it!!

  2. October 12, 2012 at 9:38 AM

    Super cute, love bug: )

  3. October 12, 2012 at 9:46 AM

    Haha Whit you so silly! I use my iPhone as my alarm clock and I happen to like that little guy! He also quacks to wake me up which is kind of funny so I don't mind.. okay that's a lie I hate waking up and wish everyday that I could just roll over and ignore him. Happy Friday lovely! xoxo

  4. October 12, 2012 at 10:04 AM

    haha!! Oh my god. You are too cute!

  5. October 12, 2012 at 10:15 AM

    You are the best. Let him know who's boss :)

  6. October 12, 2012 at 10:17 AM

    Adorable post! I hate alarm clocks, and refused to listen to my bitch this morning. So I just slept in and was 20 minutes late to work. Win/Win!

  7. October 12, 2012 at 10:18 AM

    Well said, alarm clocks take note!! LOL

  8. October 12, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    you make me gigglez

  9. October 12, 2012 at 10:44 AM

    bwahaha. this cracked me up.

  10. October 12, 2012 at 11:20 AM

    I love this, totally needed a laugh this morning!

  11. October 12, 2012 at 12:13 PM

    haha! I needed this laugh today. Love reading your blog!

  12. October 12, 2012 at 12:53 PM

    dude. I HATE morning sex.

  13. October 12, 2012 at 1:05 PM

    I seriously just LOLed at this post!! You are too funny girl!!

  14. October 12, 2012 at 2:19 PM

    There is nothing worse than when some asshat has my alarm ring as their ringtone! GAGGGG! I want to punch them square in the jaw.

  15. October 12, 2012 at 2:29 PM

    OMG you are hilarious!

  16. October 12, 2012 at 3:55 PM

    TOO FUNNY!! Same way about my alarm... except its a love hate relationship because my alarm is my phone. Can't live with it but can't live without it!

  17. October 12, 2012 at 5:43 PM

    LoL. Thanks for the laugh, That was written perfectly! Have a great weekend xx


  18. October 12, 2012 at 8:45 PM

    LOL that's how I feel about my alarm clock. Some mornings it's not so bad. But there are some days I'm half tempted to chuck that thing across the room. It would be nice if every once in a while it automatically snoozed itself as a thank you to me for not smashing it.

  19. October 13, 2012 at 1:54 AM

    I love this! This made my night!

  20. October 13, 2012 at 5:20 PM

    Lol ! Our love hate relationship with our alarm clocks:)

    Pls. check out some of my looks on

  21. October 13, 2012 at 7:11 PM

    I heard some dumbass invented an alarm clock that RUNS AWAY so you can't hit snooze! What the actual fuck??
    I have learned a fantastic trick when it comes to being a cheap drunk: chug some water before you go to bed and keep the glass by the bed so you can sip on it if your drunk ass wakes up during the night. YOU WILL NOT HAVE A HEADACHE. Legit!

  22. October 13, 2012 at 7:43 PM

    really nice blog. maybe we can follow each other?

  23. October 14, 2012 at 10:31 AM

    Bahaha, you said what we all feel!!! I sometimes grab by alarm and put it under my pillow...I guess, because thats where it is when I actually DO wake up?! The girl that works with me told me that almost everyday when her alarm goes off, she screams/says "OH F---!" Probably more out of habit now than anything. Needless to say, she is now her boyfriend's alarm clock with her profanities, hahaha.

  24. October 14, 2012 at 8:28 PM

    Glad I stumbled across your blog this evening! This had me laughing pretty good. (:

    I am so not a morning person... and I hate waking up to an alarm clock. I should really invest in one of those alarm clocks that gradually increases in volume... they sound much nicer than the screaming kind.


Thanks for the love - I love hearing from each and every one of you. It makes my day!

Newer Post Older Post Home