That's where I am today though. I'm feeling emotionally effected by some things I've seen floating around the blogosphere and the reason it's effecting me is because I can directly relate these emotions to my past experiences. More specifically, middle school and high school. Yesterday I, admittedly, shed literal tears at the expense of some posts that had me directly revisiting these old, dusty emotions I haven't seen in (thankfully) a really long time.
Now, I know I'm not the only person who was ever bullied or ignored in grade school. I mean, a strong part of me believes that a lot of us here in the blogging community were, because that's how I got to grow fond of writing. Even if, at the time, it was Live Journal I was writing to, it was the same concept. I'd get home from school feeling so small and insignificant, I'd open my laptop and that's where a good majority of my friends resided. It was my happy place, they were the only ones excited to hear about my day, and even if now I am no longer forced to deal with the pain of being ignored in such a way, I still feel this is a happy place for me.
So, what would I do if I realized that a large group from this happy place would turn their backs on me and make me feel those horrible small and insignificant feelings if I were to ever cross paths with them in public? Well, in short, I'd be mortified. And hurt. Most of all, completely and entirely heartbroken. Hell, none of this even happened directly to me and I'm mortified, hurt, and completely heartbroken, because yesterday I was mentally forced back in the cafeteria of my high school. Yesterday I was desperately searching for a pair of eyes to meet mine, inviting me to sit down and eat my lunch in a seat, as opposed to a bench alone in front of the school which I was inevitably forced to.
Am I saying that I am an angel and have never personally been a mean girl? Absolutely not. When you are treated the way so many of us were in grade school, it's almost inevitable that we will have a streak of evil that runs through us from time to time because our defenses were forced to stay up and strong for so long through all of that pain. Does it make me proud? Not even close. If I could erase every negative and/or judgmental thought that has ever run through my mind I would do it in an instant, but I can't. All I can do is realize that I am nobody because that's just what I am. I am a nobody who has zero business being nasty to anyone, just as those other mean girls never had any business being nasty to me.
I am a firm believer that everyone has something to give and if we count out people just based on what they wear, what color or shape they are, where they live, or any other damn thing that isn't similar to what we have going on, it's going to be a very lonely life. At the end of the day, the most loyal people I have found in my life are the ones who teach me things. They teach me to grow, they teach me to expand my horizons, most of all they teach me to be a better person.
I guess what I'm trying to get at here today is that, we shouldn't be the person who follows behind the mean girl who never got over the grade school nonsense, because at the end of the day she is no better than that mean girl who forced you sit alone.
Humble pie is a calorie-free dessert that tastes more delicious than any amount of sugar could possibly taste. No one ever got criticized for staying true to their heart and having sympathy and humility for others and I think maybe sometimes we need to stand back and realize that.
This is starting to get long so I'm going to leave on one last note, a quote from H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Every person that you meet knows something you don't; learn from them.”
That's all I've got. Go be nice to people, please.
Spay and neuter your pets.
I'm out.
That's all I've got. Go be nice to people, please.
I'm out.
wonderfully said.
Reply:)
Jeez who bullied you and Sami Shenanigans today? Heavy stuff from two girls whose blogs I read in part since you are both so positive and don't buy into the negative shit. Chin up!
ReplyAmen sistah!
ReplyI think you rock for putting this out there. I know we talked about this already, and I love you for being so open and vulnerable. And plus, I just love you. You are my soul sister. And maybe we could have eaten lunch together.
ReplySo we both had emotional heavy posts today...sad face. I hate seeing that kind of stuff too hun. But you are always welcome at my virtual lunch table. Hell everybody is :)
ReplyI agree!! This needs to be said!
ReplyThis is beautiful. We need to create a virtual round table of nice girls. And everyone is invited!
ReplyPreach sista! That quote is a great one. If only we could all be a little more true to it in real life.
Reply<3
ReplyLOVE this so so much
ReplyI fear for my daughter when I cant protect her anymore from all those mean girls in this world and I will teach her to love everyone {and hope that she will respect different races, colors, shapes and sizes}
I just dont understand how as an adult this STILL exists! Breaks my heart
I've obviously missed something but regardless, you're amazing, let yo haters be your motivators, and i would totally eat lunch with you :)
ReplyI loved every word of this <3 I feel the same as you ... I feel so silly talking to my non-blogger friends (or my husband) about blogging. The friends that I've met through blogging are REAL, and many of them know me better than my "real life" friends. I can feel that your heart weighs heavy on the issues you've discussed, and I applaud you for writing your feelings out so eloquently :) Have a great day !!
ReplyI think this is my favorite post of yours to date. Thanks for being honest and open and ecouraging us to be better people who love others for exactly who they are at that moment.
ReplyLove this post!!!
ReplySo sad that women still treat each other this way. Your post was also giving me flash backs of middle school when I was severaly picked on being a nerd & not having boobs like the rest of the girls. Completely forgot I had blocked it out.
Thanks for this <3
ReplyLove this post. Why are most people still stuck in high school? I always like to think if you have haters, then you are probably doing something right. Hate = jealousy. You are welcome to sit at my table anytime.
ReplyWhile its been so discouraging to hear about all this mean girl action that seems to have been going on lately, I find it incredibly encouraging to read posts like this and to be reminded that at the end of the day, there are so so so many bloggers who have huge, caring hearts. Thank you for the reminder! Compassion and kindness will always win out in the end.
ReplyYou duh best.
ReplyWonderfully written, thank you ♥
ReplyWell written. I was bullied terribly and while I know how much it hurts, I too have at one time or another been the bullier. I'm not proud. I am disappointed that I allowed someone else to feel the way I did.
ReplyThis post made me realize things that need to change.
thank you.
I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy... but seriously.
ReplyAmen. "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." It's a cliche because it's da troof.
Replyxo
incredible. thanks for this.
ReplyI like when we are on the same weave-length (I accidentally wrote weave instead of wave and I'm leaving it).. back to high school is one place I never ever want to go because it sucked. I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said. Serious Whitney kicks butt.
ReplyThis post takes me back to junior school and high school. I was bullied and ignored for being too skinny, not having boobs like the rest of the girls and not fitting in. Then when I fitted in with the sports crowd because I was good at athletics and made captain of the team, I was bullied for being good at athletics - go figure! I struggle every day with trying to be the best person I possibly can. I agree that going through this does make it easy to be hurtful back and it's tough to not be on the defensive 24/7. This post is a good reminder to everyone to think before you speak or act and in true Disney style..."if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all!".
ReplyI related to so much of this post. I can't count how many Jr High and high school lunches I spent alone. "Mean Girls" is a good movie, but now one I've enjoyed living. It's too bad so many women are still mean to one another. How are we ever going to achieve true gender equality if we just tear each other down.
ReplyYou can totally sit at my table anytime! I think this post is wonderfully put and this mentality shouldn't be acceptable, not in life, not in business, not in blogging. Sadly, it does but I hope that you take solice in the fact that there are more cheerleaders out there for you than nay-Sayers and Khama, well it's a beautiful thing.
ReplyChelsea
Haute Child in the City
Well said, Whitty! I was recently bullied through a comment on my blog and it was by someone who I knew personally and happened to be friends with her sister. She was unbelievably hateful and said things that I know one day she will regret. I never did anything to warrant receiving that comment and actually had not spoken to the girl in a long time. I removed the comment and did not respond to her because she was not worthy of a response. It amazes me that GROWN WOMEN would bully other women on their blogs. I loved reading this post as well as Sami's post over at Sami's Shenanigans. I think it is great that the issue is being addressed in the form of solidarity!
ReplyLove your quote that humble pie is calorie free! So perfect!
ReplyThis was very well written. Beautiful. Being bullied sucks. I remember it so vividly and it still makes my heart hurt. There's been a lot of posts about bullying today. So sad. Especially since irl people don't get it. Since its us, we all need to band together.
ReplyI have not witnessed this bullying yet (so new). I have been so wowed by the community of blogging. It is disappointing that this is an issue. Thanks for sharing- xoxo your way.
ReplyGet it girl. I feel like some bloggers think they are big shots. Not answering emails. Looking down on others at events. Just in general thinking they their blog is better than others. I had a blogger tell me (back in the day) that I couldn't sponsor her blog unless I had 200 followers.
ReplyThis is so true. And I love this so much. Why does it have to be about who has the most followers, who's outfits are better than others? Why can't we all just love and support each other? Is that too much to ask?
ReplyLOVE THIS AND YOU.
ReplyYou are a gem.
A dime piece.
And I love that out of nowhere I can
email you and it's as if just spoke yesterday.
Brin and I are lucky to call you our friends.
Hope you loved your Popcorn and Beer. =)
Love this! I'm super over the negativity floating around lately!
ReplyCarly
www.lipglossandcrayons.com
I'm one of those creepy silent readers of your Whitney (mostly because I think you're too cool for school, not in a bad way but I never really knew what to say to start the convo) but I'm really glad you wrote this. I read some nasty things on Twitter yesterday that just really struck a chord with me. It's weird that people feel the need to go out of their way to be rude in the blog world, when we're all just putting ourselves out there, hoping to connect with each other. I love that you stand for being kind and eating some humble pie. Love you, love the blog and love this post!
Replyxo,
Evani
http://www.simplyevani.com
Amazing! And thank you!
Replythank you so much for this wonderful post. :)
ReplyAll of this "mean girl" stuff makes me so sad. And confused, because I seriously had no idea this was going on. I have enough high school drama (quite literally) at my place of work, and don't need it anywhere else! <3
ReplyBeautifully written post! It even gave me the goosebumps! :) I've been really discouraged seeing all of the hate and bullying spreading like wildfire in the blogging community. It was nice to read this post and remember why I fell in love with blogging in the first place!
ReplyI want to thank you for writing this.
ReplyI am new to the blog world and I started because I was looking for a place where I could be myself and maybe meet some amazing non-judgmental people.
At times I found myself getting intimidated by the bigger blogs out there, worried that I wouldn't fit in. After reading this post (and many other of the same nature) I have realized that I am in the right place.
Thank you for being so down to earth. Thank you for making a tiny little blogger like me feel like she belongs. Just, Thanks.
Your such a sweet person... everyone needs to take a page from your book. Thank you!
ReplyYou're amazing, and I love every word of this. I too was bullied in middle school, and somewhat in high school, and I loved my live journal. You go girl, thanks for being awesome!
ReplyI absolutely love and agree with this post. It's such a shame that anyone makes anyone else feel so sad and alone- and I've defintely had years where I was the girl without any friends to call my own.
ReplyCheers to anyone who stands up against this loneliness in others, rather than silently contributing to it!
I love this more than I can even say. I feel really similar to you and I wrote a post last night to be published on Thursday based on all the drama that was going down over Blissdom and crap. It's ridiculous that people felt left out or bullied at a conference where everyone is trying to promote and grow their blog!! Why leave someone out?! It's only going to come back to bite you in the butt. Let's support each other instead of bringing everyone down!!!
ReplyThank you so much for writing this post. I don't know what you're specifically referring to, because frankly it's none of my business - but I know that, like you, I can relate, and I agree that most of us probably can.
ReplyI think this was a really important post to put out there, and I enjoyed reading it.
<3 Kiersten
Coming out of blog-lurk to say AMEN! This post is exactly the reason why I read your blog. Thanks for your honesty and willingness to put into words why this hobby is important to so many of us. As a brand new blogger you're a huge inspiration, and this post is just what I needed today. Keep it up, girl!
ReplyI love you so big. I'm glad I have such a pretty, strong, smart unicorn as my biffle :) your brains and buns are amazinggggg
ReplyHumble pie is my favorite dessert and I really loved this post.
ReplyAmen.
ReplyI'll take a slice of humble pie any day ;)
Such a wonderful post. As much as my livejournal days have a place in my heart, my new blog thingy seems to be a much more uplifting place. I would be heartbroken to experience otherwise. I hope all the bloggers who have experienced the other side read this post, take a big breath, and know that they deserve so much better than that.
ReplyJenn
With Luck Blog
Awh, love you cupcake! xo
ReplyFirst time here and I already love you.
ReplyThank you for writing this beautiful post.
I will be back fo sho.
Also, the spay and neuter your pets at the end has me rolling!
Well said. I have ALWAYS said that blogging is personal, and it makes sad to think that people band together and gang up on each other and bully and all because really, what is the purpose? I think social media in general makes it easier for this to happen too. Obv I don't know the details but just remember why you started the blog and you should keep doing what you are doing. But, it does hurt when people are mean.
ReplyWell I totally missed something in the blogosphere recently (darn--I've been absent the last few days), but this is very well written (just like all of your posts!) And like Mama Laughlin, I'm completely dying over the "spay and neuter your pets" baha. Go you.
ReplyLove this Whitney. Girls can be so mean, right? I love my blog world because every girl I have met is super nice and "real".
ReplyAmen Sister! I will take a piece of Humble Pie any day of the week!! xoxo
ReplyI totally agree with you! "Some people come in your life as lessons, others come in your life as lessons."
ReplyI would've saved you a seat at lunch... the days that I wasn't trying to sneak out to go to Chipotle. :) That said, I get what you mean. I never know how to explain this "blog" thing to other people.
ReplyWonderfully written and well said! Thank you for putting it out there like that. :)
ReplyIt's horrible how much social rejection & meanness/cruelty can get to you and affect you (each person, I mean, not literally just "you").
ReplyI can be a very nervous and sensitive person in social situations, and I often worry that people don`t like me, so the idea that I would meet up with an internet friend/s and they would turn their back on me would really hurt as well.
Have you been reading a lot of posts about this happening to people? If so, I am sorry for those people. It can be so hard to make a new friend, and feel accepted, and yet it is so easy to tear that all away in a moment. I agree- people could stand to be nicer to each other. In high school, I would always try to go out of my way to include people that were sitting alone. I would invite them to hang out with us even if I didn`t have anything in common with them, because I figured they would hit it off with someone in my group of friends, and that just because I didn`t connect with them didn`t mean they should feel excluded, if that makes sense. Obviously not every person can love or feel connected to everyone they meet, but I generally wish people could go a little further out of their ways to help others out & be sensitive to the feelings of others, rather than turning their backs.
Some Snapshots Blog
Jess
I agree with everything you said, and I love you for this post. You're the nicest "big" blogger I've ever met!!! <3
ReplyYou are beautiful inside and out. Love you!
ReplyI adore you even more after reading this post. I am really not sure about attending conferences because I am afraid of highschool flashbacks. It's sad that we are adults and it still happens
ReplyCan you please tell me what the heck happened that everyone is so upset about??
ReplyThis is what I call taking the high road. By not bringing up details of whatever situation is troubling you you're already coming out on top as the mature person. I can only hope other bloggers follow your lead. People, and women especially, are so quick to be mean and vindictive out of fear or jealousy and I've never truly understood why.
ReplyI hope this post makes the rounds in the blog world because it's definitely something everyone needs to read and take to heart.
xoxo
I have used all of this floating around the blogosphere to check my own heart, remind me of other and make sure the next time I am around a group of people or bloggers I am intentional.
ReplyWell said! I think this post resonates with all of us, so thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. :)
Replyxx - Danielle
http://missglamdan.com
Amazing, simply amazing!! I often think that certain bloggers need to get off their high horse now and then and come back to reality. Keep these wonderful posts coming!
Replywonderfully said!
Replyi obviously missed whatever happened. but I agree with every word you just wrote.
&& i LOVE your blog and everything you have to say, so I couldn't imagine why
someone would write negatively towards you? craziness.
You're definitely one of mu blog idols!
Awesome post. You hit the nail on the head by saying that it's likely that a lot of bloggers were bullied at some point. It makes a lot of sense, so it definitely does NOT make sense to then turn around and be a bully. There's a lot of wisdom in this post. Well done. xoxo
ReplyI loved this post. I'm not a big blogger by any means, but I have had extremely nasty comments left on my blog, by I'm sure people I consider my "friends". I just don't understand why people can't just be kind to one another! Thank you for this wonderful post, I'm excited to have stumbled upon your blog!
ReplyP.S, Whitney is an awesome name, only the coolest people are named Whitney!
-Whitney
Whitneyhomer.blogspot.com
OMG Whitney I have been exactly where you are - not only in middle and high school (where I was badly bullied), but also even in my 20s with stupid mean girl crap. I have to say, it has made me SO much stronger (and nicer and much more respectful of the fact that you never know what someone else might be going through), but it doesn't make it suck any less. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can email me anytime. xo
Replygreat post! i don't know what this specifically refers too, but i hope you are feeling better and/or it is resolved. humility is totally necessary in each of us, but it is something that we all need to work on!
Reply-- jackiejade.blogspot.com
Maybe i'm still "new" in the blog world...or may not so much in the "know". But I wish people would stop all the hate!
ReplyEveryone is different in their own way. Everyone has a story. We can all learn from everyone else.
Plus....our rights "end" where someone else's rights begin. So freedom of speech is great, just remember to respect those around you as well.
Preach on sister!!!
xoxo
Andie's Traveling Pants
I know what you are talking about and it wasn't hard and isn't hard to miss it, especially on twitter. I had a bad time in high school, where I was bullied and called names and it was hell. I wouldn't go back for a million dollars. Well, maybe for a million. I felt alone, ignored, like a big ole loser. I've found that as we get older, especially in college and after college, people are stuck in that "high school" mentality. No one cares who you were, and no one likes "drama." I mean, a lot of us are all mid 20s to mid 30s, so I don't understand why people act the way they do. I ask people have to bring others down to bring themselves up. Sad. If the things people talked about happened to me, I probably would be so sad that I would cry, then I would get pissed.
ReplyAs my mom would always tell me, "you always catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar."
ReplyIt's sad how much hatred and meanness there is in this world. I feel like I've learned from some meanness, but even sometimes at my current job today I feel like I'm getting bullied or treated differently because I was raised differently than some of the people that I work with. Thank you for this post, and you are awesome! Hater's gonna hate, I wonder where all that hatred is really getting them in life?!? ~Rachel
I'm so sorry there were "mean girls" causing you trouble. I know how that feels as I deal with it everyday at my job in real life and it's enough to make me break down in tears a few times a week when I leave the office. I hate that you feel attacked or bullied by those you thought were your own.
ReplySadly, the older I get the more I realize that the mean girls in high school just end uo being the mean women of life. I used to think theynwould grow up and treat peoplree right, but mean girls never will. It's not ilike Lindsey Lohan, who had a change of heart and went back to the Mathletes. Real mean girls will never change and the best way to handle it is to remove those people from your life. It hurts now but will make you happier in the long run.
And don't follow in Lindsey Lohan's steps after Mean Girls. You are far too cute to turn into a junkie.
But seriously, can we eat pie now? I'm thing French silk.
Thanks for this.
Replyzuleyb.blogspot.com
Love this post. Thanks for writing it. You're fantastic as always :)
ReplyThis is a powerful piece of writing and one that I really can relate to and appreciate.
ReplyThank you
www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com
I love this post. Sometimes I don't understand why people are so mean to other people...and then why do others follow in the person's steps and continue to be mean? It doesn't make sense.
ReplyI love this post. I want to print it out and force feed it to the meanies everywhere. Wonderfully said!
ReplyAll too well put. We have enough shit IRL that the blog world needs to be a good place.
ReplyGreat post. Nice finding you.
ReplyI just don't understand the cattiness everywhere.
ReplyI understand people will always be mean (it's fact, some people are just assholes) but there has to come a point in time when people just say enough is enough and atleast try their 'nice pants' on.
Like that old saying: 'You catch more flies with honey than vinegar'. #truth
The mean-ness has been there for a few years now. Sadly what many new bloggers don't know is the ones that seem all nice and perfect on their blog (y'all know the ones I'm talking about the ones with tons and tons of followers) are really the ones that are the ring leaders of the mean-ness and cliques. I've read countless posts about bloggers preaching to others to be nice watch what you say, yet it always continues.... :( sad face
ReplyI really loved this post. You are so right we have all been bullied at one point or another. Mine was the worst 6-7 grade, by my elementary school best friend, she turned everyone against me for no apparent reason not to mention that I went through a chubby phase, worst part she got her sis involved who was in 8th grade. Thanks for sharing this it hit home for me as for many of the other people that commented. You seem like such a nice and sweet person, I could never see someone picking on you.
ReplyI like this post. I was always "tortured" in elementary, middle, and pretty much most of my life for weighing over 400lbs (I'm 6'1" so that was crazy too). I sat back and watched as everyone's life played out before me.. the dances, the dating, the bikinis on the beach. I lost friends because I wasn't the third wheel but I was the fat one that just wasn't pretty enough for the "party". I ended up losing over 230lbs, was on Oprah, and many more good things happened in my life. If I've eaten a humble pie in my time, I've probably eaten a dozen.
Reply